The things I never dreamed could be...

There's something about life that changes us. Our experiences. Our mistakes. Our hopes, our dreams. Our fears. Our decisions. The people we meet. Our joys, our sorrows. Sometimes we find ourselves in places we never thought we'd be; doing things we never dreamed we'd be able to do. I know some people wonder if our lives just "happen" or if we make them happen...or if God has a hand in our lives.


I guess I used to be one of those people...sometimes afraid to "move" because I was afraid I'd make the wrong move. I look back on times in my life when I wanted so badly to do the right thing, that I almost waiting too long. I'm certain there were times I did wait "too long." But I also know that it's not always just up to me. I have to make the moves, and move forward with decisions, but...I'm a firm believer in the fact that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I could ever imagine, and He has a plan for me; a plan for every single one of us. I know there are opportunities I've missed in my life...but I also know I keep trying, and the most surprising and wonderful thing I've found out lately is that those "missed" chances always come around again. And the greatest surprise of all? They're so much greater than I ever imagined they could be. I think I've never actually "missed" an opportunity or a chance to do something in my life...because a chance always comes around again that makes all the difference. And as soon as I find myself "there," I can't imagine myself having gone anywhere else. I also know I never could have gotten there on my own. I took the physical steps to get there, but there has always been the undeniable presence of my Heavenly Father right there next to me, guiding me along, showing me what steps I need to take.



Nine times out of ten, I don't realize that until after the steps have already been taken. But I always know, at the end of the day, that no matter what "I" have done, I never could have done it all on my own and have it turn out so crystal clear and beautiful.


I don't want you to think I'm saying we should pass up opportunities because they're just going to keep getting better. I don't believe that. I think whatever choices we make that are good will bless our lives and the lives of others no matter what. BUT. I'm saying this: never, never, never let the fear of missed opportunities take one iota of hope from your life. Keep going forward with your head up, and remember who else is there with you.

Take these pictures, for example. I always wanted to go on a mission. Well. Not always. But for the last four or five years, I really wanted to go. But the timing never seemed right, or there were other experiences I know I was supposed to have. I didn't know it or understand it at the time, necessarily, but looking back, I have no doubt. I met people I know I was supposed to meet. I did things I know I was supposed to do. I learned things I so desperately needed to learn. These people and these lessons are now an essential part of the person I am today. I've made my share of mistakes, but I've never felt more at peace with the person I am than I feel now at this point in my life. But in this first picture, we all look a little...unsure...maybe a little scared. We had no idea what was ahead of us. We also really actually had no idea who the person right next to us was. No idea! I look at this picture now, and it's a very tangible reminder of what we usually think of the "unknown." Some of us might be smiling, and there was a sense of excitement that night, but...you'll also notice some of us are smiling and gripping the person next to us...almost like we don't know what else to hold on to. It was our first night together as missionaries, our first time seeing that creepy old cellar connected to our pioneer house, and we really had no clue what we'd gotten ourselves into.



But then the next beautiful months of our lives flew by like a dream. Well...sometimes like a dream in really slow motion. Other times, it went so fast, we hardly knew what day it really was. We experienced the highest highs of our lives, and lowest lows we ever thought we could reach. We had to rely completely on the Lord; and on each other. Some of us were almost the same soul, while others of us were as different as could be. But we had to hold on and work together to make it through. We spent all of our time serving and performing. There were days when I would rather have cut my foot off than wear those character shoes one more time or put my hair in a bun or braids one more TIME!!! We all experienced moments of intense sorrow and feeling homesick; there were days we felt the spirit so strong, it sent our spirits soaring to greater hights than we had ever before imagined. At the end of almost every day, there was a sense of immense gratitude and acknowledgement that we were being changed in ways we never, ever imagined we would be changed.

I think C.S. Lewis describes this perfectly here:

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. A t first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on. You knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominable and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?! The eplanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent litle cottage, but He is building a palace."

In the end, we are no longer afraid. We are stronger, better, happier instruments when we are in His hands. Sometimes I find myself feeling lost and alone, but almost instantly comes that feeling; that reminder that while I may not understand, someone else does. Someone else who is all-knowing, and who knows me better than I know myself. A Heavenly Father who has in mind greater things for me than I could ever imagine for myself; a Father who really can make everything better. I can't even begin to imagine the joy we can feel at the end of our lives, knowing we have let Him be the guiding force in our lives. My joy for those few months has changed me forever. I never dreamed such a short time could change my entire existence. It never even crossed my mind.