Oh, HEY.
Remember me???
No?
Oh. Ahem. :)
That's probably because I accidentally/on purpose let this sweet little blog die.
Here, I'll tell you why. See that last post down there? Tough subject for me at the time. Rendered a lot of support from friends at a time when I felt judged or attacked or frustrated by the opinions of others. I almost didn't publish that post out of pure fear. But I think I did post it out of...well...a desperate desire to feel understood.
Most people understood. Most people were so kind and awesome.
But one person - a person I don't even know at all - someone I've never ever met - decided to attack me with "information" both by commenting on my blog and then sent text messages to my personal phone - and suddenly, I felt vulnerable. And really really angry. Protective not only of my heart, but the heart of the man I love. (He's a big boy - he can handle it, but I happen to feel fairly territorial about it all the same.) I've since moved past this silly incident. I get it. I've been the angry ex-girlfriend before...maybe I didn't handle it the same way this person did, but I know the feelings all too well.
Anyway - that's why I didn't write for a while, for the most part. My blog is public. I've made it private before, and I could have made it private again, but it sort of irritated me to have to do so. I like being able to communicate with people this way. So, while this blog may not heretofore contain quite the level of personal thoughts as it has previously, (it might) I still want to write on it occasionally to record LIFE. Because life is worth living FULLY, and loving COMPLETELY. No matter who has an opinion about it - no matter who tries to squelch your joy. The point is - we have been given a LIFE. No matter how you might believe that life came about or where you're going after this life - I think we can all agree we've been given something pretty amazing.
My goal and challenge for the rest of my life will be to focus on the goodness. The support. The happiness. The sweetness. The love. :)
So let the naysayers say what they say. I know the level of thought and ridiculous mental anguish I tend to put myself through with basically every big life decision. ;) We'll see what comes about from here on out.
In the meantime, I married the most wonderful man I've ever met. I fell completely in love with him, and I fall a little more and a little differently in love with him every single day. We both had very different stories; we are very different people, but it has made for an incredibly beautiful, challenging, enlightening, growing experience I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING. I. love. who he is, and the things I am learning by sharing a life with him. We still have many things to encounter - I know that for sure. But I'm trusting God to help us figure out the rest of it. Our wedding day was the most beautiful day of my life. (A long day wherein we forgot to eat much of anything, and the planning threatened to kill me and slay my sanity...) But so incredibly beautiful and full of love.
There were moments words couldn't begin to express, and that's a treasure worth every painful step we took to get there.
I learned even more from our dating to marriage experience to really really trust MY relationship with God and not focus on the opinions of others...even though I genuinely appreciate their opinions. In the end, I live with my choice. And I couldn't imagine choosing to go a route without the man who is now my husband. I married a man who has been really taught by life, who has learned what I think are really incredible lessons from his experiences, and a man who loved me enough to want me along for the ride...and if religion was the only thing standing in our way, who was I to say it couldn't be done? Especially when I felt completely right and peaceful about taking on life the challenges and beauties of life, with him.
We've learned a lot since that really beautiful day...and I can only imagine the things we will learn as we go forward. But you know what? I'm EXCITED! They are ours to learn.
I'm choosing to focus on the glorious happy parts of life, even in the midst of the angry curve-balls life inevitably throws at us all. We get to choose our reactions to life...so even though sometimes my first reaction is to curl up in a ball and cry, or let one person try to stop me from going forward (though I'd like to maintain my dignity by saying nobody can stop me)...well, that's a thing I choose to fight from now on. :)
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
-Marjorie Pay Hinckley
