Yes, this is how I come back after almost two months of blogger silence.

Pardon my rant. 

"Hi, boys! I'm best friend girl. Talk to me about anything and everything. But most of all, please. Constantly ask me to set you up with my beautiful friends."

REALLY?

I think I'm flattered on some level that you think I'm approachable enough to ask me for...a date with my friend.

I think.

So until now, I've usually obliged to paving the way for guys who want a date with a friend of mine.
Unless I think it's the worst idea ever.
But at the end of the day, 90% of the time...why oh why does it bother me?

It has been bothering me that I can't figure out why it bothers me.
It's not like I necessarily want a date with you.
No, that's not it.
Though, let's be honest, if you'd ever asked, I probably would have gone on a date with you.
But instead, I just get to hear about all your dating woes.
Which is what friends do.
But HONESTLY.

Dudes, get a clue. If you want a date with a beautiful girl, man up and ask her for it yourself.

I am not your gateway to hot girl dates.

Eventually, I will phase you out if all you're doing is asking me for dates with my friends.
A) Because no self-respecting girl puts up with that for long.
and B) Because you're supposed to be the man.

If you don't have her number, but you find out about her by stalking her on the fb because we're in pictures together, I invite you to use the "message" feature so nicely built in to fb. Just a suggestion.

Don't put me in the middle of it.

And no. I don't think I care if she thinks you're a crazy stalker because you found her on facebook.

There's a strong possibility you're not the first guy to think she's attractive, nor will you be the last.

Eventually I'm gonna punch one of you and then feel really bad about it afterward.
Don't label me the crazy girl when it was your pansy approach to dating that got us here in the first place.
"Here" being the part where I punch you for being a moron.

Yeah, hitting publish now.
Because that's what normal, happy, well-adjusted folks do: rant on the blog, and then publish it.

Mmmm-hmmm.


Dude version:

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Stop asking me to set you up with my friends or I will sucker-punch you.