Dear Sir with the crappiest snowplow on the planet,
I hate you. I know you were just doing your job, but seriously? WHY? Why do you have to go back and forth, back and forth right outside my window for what seemed like an eternity at such an unearthly hour? After a good 30 minutes, I didn't care what you were doing, I wanted you outta there.
I'm sure you hated being up that early, and maybe all the unnecessary ruckus was just your way of saying how much you hated every living soul on the planet just then. But is that really our fault? Really? I lost the desire to have any kind of sympathy for you after your millionth tire screech.
And then, to add insult to injury, YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO A GOOD JOB! Argh.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas, sir. No really, I do. It's just that next time you're outside my window before my alarm has even thought about going off, I'm getting the Omni Warriors out (that's a serious threat, sir...) with all their fans (aka: angry girls) and we will PUMMEL you until you promise never to come back. It'll be like a really good game of Angry Birds, only you'll lose every time and we will win.
Remember the time when I was walking in to work this morning in the snow DUMPAGE and slipped and fell just long enough to totally soak my pants in the slushy snow? Hahah! Oh shoot. The five guys shoveling the sidewalks hurried as fast as they could over to help me, but by then I was back up (so fast, by the way) and laughing so hard...so that gave them permission to laugh.
EPIC FAIL. Hahhah!
Seriously. My pants were soaked. But I was just outside the door to go in to work...am I really going to go all the way back home??
Nope.
So here I sit. Pants soaked. Okay, they're getting drier...but still. Haha! Good thing not many people are here today? :) Oh, boy. If I wouldn't have been laughing so hard and so focused on drying off a bit, I might have taken a picture. It was that funny. But I'm sure your imagination will do the moment more than justice. Ahem. :)
Now, on to a few moments of my life with a little more class than the last... :)
Friday was skiing at the Canyons for most of the day: best reason to skip work, ever. Okay, skiing for me, boarding for Jason. Someday I'll learn to snowboard. And by someday, I mean really soon. But for the record: getting rental skis was the second best idea that day. Thank you, BYU outdoor rentals. Happy Holidays to ya!
That's 3 months of greatness right there, fyi. Crazy, right? I know. But have I mentioned how great he is lately? Well, there you go. Now I have. :)
Then Saturday, thanks to the kind, generous, and extremely talented Aubrey Morrill of the Tabernacle Choir (and one of the current three best roommates ever) Jason and I (and Jenn and Brad) got to go the the David Archuleta/Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. And because everyone here loves little DA and people kept not getting in even if they had tickets, we left Provo around 4 o'clock that day, just to make sure we'd get in.
Don't worry. We're champs, and we made it.
Then we sat there for an hour, which was great because it gave Jason another chance to beat me at Scrabble.
*grumble*
Hahah!
P.S. I love Christmas music. So much.
I would like to say I don't usually look homeless in pictures, but really...haha...if Jas didn't look so good all the time, and if Jenn would stop showing me up...good grief. But whatever. :)
Look at how cute he is! Now if only you could just hear him via this picture.
Dear darling little David Archuleta: You have the voice of an angel. I'm not kidding when I say I fell asleep to you singing Christmas songs that night, and I might also still be listening to you right now. *insert happy sigh of ultimate content RIGHT here*
Going home in two more days! Woohoo! And Daniel's flight comes in tonight! Yippee! I seriously can't wait for Christmas at home this year. I've missed my Danny boy! Oh, who am I kidding? I'm excited to see everyone! It has just been since September since I've seen the Dan-o and I can't wait. :)
P.S. I'm dying to see the third Narnia. I think this calls for a 1 and 2 marathon with the fam. Eh? I knew you'd agree. :)
Oh, uh...I just keep looking at this jacket, and the more I look, the more I am overcome by an increasing neeeeeeeeeed for it. Burton.com is bad for me. It's a good thing I don't have the money for this stuff, or I'd spend it. So fast. But really...give me some credit. This baby isn't even $200. The others I strongly considered were more like $400. Gag. Well, and by "strongly considered" I mean...before I saw the price tag. How is it okay to charge THAT MUCH for a coat? IT'S PIRACY, I TELL YOU! And yet...if Dee had $400 sitting around, waiting for her to spend it...she'd probably do just that.
I don't know why I speak in third-person sometimes.
Also, as I was driving to Wal-mart tonight (I know, I know. I hate it too. A necessary evil.) Anyway, I digress. I was driving on the back roads, and all of a sudden, a house I pass all the time appeared on my left, all lit up in Christmas lights, and I immediately had a "Miracle on 34th" moment where I'm pretty sure that was my dream house, but I never knew it until I saw it with Christmas lights and a wreath in every window, and I swear to you the people inside were eating pie and drinking eggnog in all their holiday perfection. * sigh *
And clearly that's not the house I saw. It was completely dark, and the house was so much bigger. And with more lights. But the wreaths are pretty accurate. I want it. The house.
I don't know what happened to me today. Haha. Oops.
Truly heinous. That's just...superfluous. And not okay.
...But I sort of can't stop looking at it.
Moving on...
Also, I want new skis. No, really. I don't think you understand how much I want them. Last Friday, I went skiing after about a 2-year hiatus. It was great and all, but let's talk for just a second about how DeeAura was trying to be frugal with all the equipment buying after purchasing a season pass. I found some skis at the DI. No, you read that right. And yeah, they're old, but they didn't appear to be all the worse for the wear, so...$5 skis, yes please. Then I found some ski boots on KSL for pretty cheap, so...voila, right?
Frugal Dee reigns!!
WRONG. Wrong wrong wrong.
After a half day on those babies, I wanted to accidentally snap them in half. A big two thumbs down to my money-saving ventures this time around! Angry DeeAura. But it was great to be on the mountain! I'm going again tomorrow, but rest assured I rented some new skis for a day instead of running the risk of swearing like a pirate all day long. (Not that I do that. Ever. But if I spent another day on those crappy $5 skis? It's a risk I wasn't willing to repeat.) $20 later, I will spend the day with happy thoughts in my head. :)
Yeah, okay, I'm done now because if I kept going with all the things I want, this post would be longer than this run-on sentence is and that would just be embarrassing to have two ridiculously long posts one right after the other and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can try to read the post below, but I'm betting you'll lose focus about halfway through unless you really connect with the subject and you don't mind the fact that I love black and white films and occasionally relate them to my life.
Oh, hey there. :) Pardon the three week absence. Don't worry, I'm finally going through the 14 million "drafts" I have of blog posts I started but never finished. But be warned: this one should be labeled "DeeAura's brain"...if I ever actually consistently labeled these things. :) Onward.
Do you ever look at your life and think...well, that you've come so incredibly far. That you've been so many different versions of yourself. You've conquered so much, you've experienced so much...and you're grateful for it all, but...
there's still just that...unanswered question...
...about just exactly where you're still going. Or who you've become because of everything - or maybe in spite of it all? Are you really headed in the right direction? You think you might be, but...the possibility that you missed something or that you might miss something is a little scary?
"Part of the tragedy that you must avoid is to discover too late that you missed an opportunity to prepare for a future only God could see for you." -Henry B. Eyring
Sometimes I see people living their lives the way I thought I would be already, or doing things I thought I would do when I was little, and I find myself thinking, "That...that's who I meant to become...what happened between then and now?" I know it's silly. Because, really, where I am, and who I became instead is not bad. In fact, I might be wonderful. But it's...just not who I thought I'd be? Expectations are a tricky thing.
So there I was, sitting with Jason one night...this was easily about...six weeks ago? He was doing homework or something equally productive, and I was reading, but not being productive by any means. I think it's good for this to happen every now and again. Healthy, even. It still makes me take a few mental deep breaths, though. I'm pretty sure it was a Sunday because the songs playing while he was studying were all within that genre.
The first was a song from my first year as an EFY counselor in 2004. So then, of course I'm thinking about the kids from that year, the people I met, the things I learned, and how much I changed because of the beginnings of those experiences. That was a good thing, a good time, and I can definitely see how Heavenly Father has guided me all through my life, and even especially little pieces because of those experiences brought back to my memory from just one song. I felt a little nostalgic, but just really grateful for the most part. There were so many people, and so much to learn. I wanted it to last longer than it did, but then again, the irony is that it actually has lasted longer than I ever planned on. Haha.
The song came to an end, and I thought I was done thinking. Come back to reality, Dee.
But no.
The next song was a recording of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing." This is a bittersweet song for me. As a little college freshman, I thought music was my whole future. I wanted everything to do with it, and loved the feeling of that fire inside me when I would sing. There's really nothing like it, I think. I still feel an ache for that whenever I watch people perform on a stage. It's a thrill I love and miss sometimes... But that song. I've sang it so many times in so many different choirs, but the time I remember most? It was the semester right after I'd changed my major from music to...anything else. There were so many reasons for the change - reasons which are too numerous and too personal, probably, to bother listing here. I felt good about my decision. Felt good, that is, until I was sitting in an audience listening to others sing that song. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. It was heart-breaking to me. I wasn't crying out loud, but the tears just kept coming. I felt like I'd chosen to let a part of me die. Necessary? I was pretty sure. Painless? Not in the slightest. My music advisor that semester had been so wonderful to listen to my reasons for changing my major. She had even empathized with me, but had then told me she knew how I felt; and then told me, "DeeAura, go do what you need to do. But I have a feeling you'll come back. It's too much a part of you to quit completely. You have to come back to it." I'd left her office in tears as well. What's a 19-year-old girl to do about her future with all those feelings going on?
I always envied those people who could seemingly shoot straight through college (or life, for that matter) without the questions. They just knew what they wanted, and finished it in record time. That was definitely not me. Haha. But I went on to do other things, to learn new things, and meet so MANY people I wouldn't have met otherwise. I wouldn't change that...but there's still that feeling of, well, "Who would I have been IF..."
I know, I know. On the road to finding out who I really am...I had to take some detours. Or maybe those weren't even detours. Maybe they were really where I was supposed to go anyway.
By the time that song finished playing, I really didn't know what was going on inside me any more. I had so many mixed feelings. Then the next song started playing, but I wasn't paying attention any more.
Then I started thinking about now. My life now, the choices I'm making now...and where they're taking me..
And I still haven't figured everything out. I just felt this overwhelming desire to just double check...to make sure I was going the right direction now.
But then...that brings me back to good 'ol George Bailey.
Sometimes, I think help comes in forms I might resist at first, or because things haven't turned out the way I thought they should in order to have been "perfect." Things changed and didn't live up to my original expectations. I certainly would be really ungrateful if I didn't recognize all the incredible blessings I have today because of my life up to this very moment. The simple truth is, I really wouldn't change any of it. So what's my problem?
George's life did not turn out anywhere near the way he planned it would. His plan was NOT a bad one! It just wouldn't be as wonderful for him or for countless other people if it had gone according to his plan. George fought the sadness that came from his unfulfilled expectations for much of his adult life. It wasn't until heaven helped him see the influence for good his life had on others that he truly saw his life for what it was all along: wonderful! There never was a moment of his life that wasn't wonderful. He just forgot to see it that way sometimes.
So taking that lesson into account, even though it's just a story...As I have looked back, and then looked at now, I realize I've been blessed with a lot of strength and knowledge and lasting happiness instead of the fleeting moments I sometimes chase after with all my energy; convinced I know the answer. I've also had those moments where I just didn't know what to do. I would pray and beg and plead..."just help me know!" But so many times I knew I was choosing between many good things, and I just had to make a choice.
I feel like I've been at the "many good things" crossroad for a long time. I've chosen a lot of good things. But lately, it has felt different...like there are things that are actually becomingmost importantwhich is a scary change from the comfort of the "many good things" point I've been at for so long.
In the end, sometimes I feel like all I can do is hold on as tightly as I can to the things I know, and trust Heavenly Father will help me figure out the things I don't know: aka the future. No big deal, right?
Maybe if I really do trust my Heavenly Father, I don't need to lose sleep over any of this. Maybe the trick is to see my life through the eyes of a perfectly patient and loving Father in Heaven who really does see the end from the beginning and who will not, as we are striving to do the right thing, and acting according to the knowledge we have, allow us to go unknowingly toward the "wrong" road. Trust that He can help us become who we truly are; to do the things we really are to do.
Change and progression are essential. I cannot look back on my life and bemoan the fact I'm not where I was five or even ten years ago. Things are supposed to change! We are supposed to make choices, and just do the best we can. And then finally, trusting God. Trust that God really does watch over our lives, and lead us to where we should be for our the good of ourselves, sure, but also for the good of others.
So if life isn't turning out the way you expected it would...sure, you can try some adjustments, and maybe that's what you needed to do! But also...maybe. Just maybe...it's because you couldn't see the whole picture. Sometimes life is just that much more wonderful than we expect it to be.
Longest post ever. But the two last things I have to say are the two quotes I keep around for every time my life feels like it is changing and I start to feel apprehensive. They help me take a few mental (or literal) deep breaths and readjust my focus on trusting my Heavenly Father. (If we've ever talked about this in person, you've already heard me refer to these. Haha. Sorry...)
“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.”
-Ezra Taft Benson
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. A t first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on. You knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominable and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?! The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace."
-C.S. Lewis
So there you have it: sometimes life really is just that much more wonderful than we expect it to be. We just all have to keep going...and wait...and see. :)
Dear Sir with the crappiest snowplow on the planet,
