Just keep swimming

Yesterday, I needed this talk on repeat for most of the day.  Okay, let's just make that this whole past week or so.  :)  

"Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism." - Richard C. Edgley

I am doing my best to go forward in something I do not want to do, but simultaneously feel like it is the right thing to do.  This thing very nearly breaks my heart, and there have been so many times already when I felt the need to cry out in actual physical pain because the effort required is so great.

There have been times I have questioned my decision...but following every moment of doubt comes that whispered reassurance of doing the right thing.  I don't know how long this is supposed to last...maybe forever?  Maybe for a little while?  I have no idea.  But the things I'm learning so far are incredibly valuable, which is maybe why they have pain involved as well.

Heavenly Father knows what He's doing.  I need Him more than anyone or anything else in my life.  I know he loves us, and He is so aware of our lives.  I just have to keep remembering that...even and especially at times when I feel like my heart is breaking.  One of my favorite parts of the atonement is its ability to heal our hearts, no matter what has happened to them. 

If you have the time...here it is so you can hear it.  Some of my favorite lines are below, though.  I remember this talk from conference, and being really struck by the fact that I am just as responsible for my lack of faith as I am for my store of it.  That the choice is mine.  CHOOSE faith.  I just needed this reminder...again...

Phew.  Deep, slow, deliberate breaths...


"Yes, faith is a choice, and it must be sought after and developed. Thus, we are responsible for our own faith. We are also responsible for our lack of faith. The choice is yours."


"What I don’t know or don’t completely understand, with the powerful aid of my faith, I bridge the gap and move on, partaking of the promises and blessings of the gospel. And then, as Alma teaches, our faith brings us to a perfect knowledge (see Alma 32:34). By moving forward into the unknown, armed only with hope and desire, we show evidence of our faith and our devotion to the Lord."


"If confusion and hopelessness weigh on your mind, choose to “awake and arouse your faculties” (Alma 32:27). Humbly approaching the Lord with a broken heart and contrite spirit is the pathway to truth and the Lord’s way of light, knowledge, and peace."


I have never witnessed the removal of an actual mountain. But because of faith I have seen a mountain of doubt and despair removed and replaced with hope and optimism. Because of faith I have personally witnessed a mountain of sin replaced with repentance and forgiveness. And because of faith I have personally witnessed a mountain of pain replaced with peace, hope, and gratitude. Yes, I have seen mountains removed.

• Because of my faith I work through the struggles and difficulties in life with peace and assurance.
• Because of my faith I have been able to turn questions and even doubts into assurances and understanding.
• Because of my faith I approach the unknown, unseen, and unexplained with unquestioning assurance. 
• And because of my faith—even in the seemingly worst of times—I recognize with peace and gratitude that in reality it is the best of times.

 So there you have it.  Until I feel or know that things should be otherwise, I am moving forward in this new direction.  Every step is difficult.  But I also know I have so much help from a Heavenly Father whose vision far exceeds my own. 

And just for good measure, this year?  Move forward.  Don't look back.  :)  Everything always works out the in end...as long as we keep working, and keep going.