Just when I think I have it all figured out...

I DON'T.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C.S. Lewis

I don't want that to happen.

I lived with visions for my company
Instead of men and women, years ago,
And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know
A sweeter music than they played to me.
But soon their trailing purple was not free
Of this world's dust, their lutes did silent grow,
And I myself grew faint and blind below
Their vanishing eyes. Then thou didst come---to be,
Belovèd, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,
Their songs, their splendours (better, yet the same,
As river-water hallowed into fonts),
Met in thee, and from out thee overcame
My soul with satisfaction of all wants:
Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I don't have any idea how to get that.

I have only just a minute,
Only sixty seconds in it.

Forced upon me, can't refuse it.
Didn't seek it, didn't choose it.
But it's up to me
to use it.

I must suffer if I lose it.
Give account if I abuse it.

Just a tiny little minute,

but eternity is in it.
And I don't have the time to waste not knowing.
please please please

Make it stop.