The view from here...

"Every time you give your all, your capacity INCREASES." 

That was from rehearsal last Saturday for "Savior of the World." Our music director said that as she was encouraging us to give more, and go beyond our own boundaries. That idea had never occurred to me in matters of the heart, or the spirit. In exercise or physical endurance? Sure. But when it comes to how much I have to give? I'd never put it into exactly those words, but I'm so grateful SHE did because it goes right along with the overriding theme of my brain these days, which is basically: Don't ever hold back, don't ever let something stop you from being you, from expressing your talents, from becoming more, from fulfilling every aspect of who you are, who you want to be, and where you feel directed to go. Clearly the italics indicate a stream of my thoughts... :)

There are a lot of things I don't know, a lot I don't understand. But I do know that eventually things fall into place, albeit for a season, until they get scrambled up again. :) But this new song from Hilary Weeks just made me really appreciate so much more the troubles we go through because, as she says,

"Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this view."

Listen to those lyrics. I think she found them in my journal from the past few months. :) Sometimes I think I really do have a great plan, and I take it to my Heavenly Father, and I go forward, sure He will see my wisdom in my well-thought out plans. :) Sometimes those plans work out, but more often than not, it requires some upside-down-ing of my life for me to finally understand what a loving God has been trying to tell me all along: that He has a perfect; a beautiful plan all in store for me, and I just need to be 100% more trusting of that which I cannot see, and know that HE...can. :)

Then there's this guy in the video below...the other thing I need reminders about sometimes is that EVERY effort is worthwhile. One of my favorite quotes is from Neal A. Maxwell:  

"Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity."

AH! I love that, and even better...I think I finally believe it. No matter what we're doing, be it big or small, all our efforts matter to the Lord. Love is never wasted, and neither are our efforts. Change your major a million times if you have to. No education is truly wasted. Experience dozens of "failed" relationships: they are NOT for naught. :) The point is that we're learning, that we're serving, and we're growing. It is not necessarily in the immediate happy ending, or in the exact fulfillment of our dreams. You can make every second of anything you do: count. 

And that's what I love about his message: "rescuing" her shoes seemed so little in his mind, until he found out much later how much that simple, random act actually meant to her. So in that sense, our efforts in anything in life, be it grand or minute...it's all for good if we'll let it be so. 

So, with that said: in case you hadn't heard on crazy facebook, or through the grapevine:

I made it. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir said yes.

And in that moment, with that letter of congratulations in my hand, struggling to overcome the dumbfounded awe I felt flooding over me, I had to look heavenward and say thank you. I had to acknowledge that He clearly knows better than I do. 

Grad school was a no. That was rough.

Still on the job hunt.

And that whole best friend for the rest of my life and forevermore hunt. That one.

But this one finally kicked in: one of the things on my "list" of things I knew I needed to do/change.

That's the one that worked.

And I'll tell you this much: it's NOT because I'm amazing. It's because my Heavenly Father expects far more of me than I generally expect of myself, and without fail: whenever I rise to the occasion, he helps me see the incredible view I could never have seen without His help. I would have been content with a cottage in the glen, but He keeps making me climb all these crazy mountains. :)

So, as the song says,

"Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this view."

It's for real. 

I love this view. :)

He knows much better, so trust Him.