Don't think I don't think about it.

I cleaned my room last night. Finally. After living out of a suitcase for the last two weeks, I finally did my laundry and put everything in its place.

Then I collapsed on my neatly made bed and looked around at the beautiful order that was again the state of my room.

* happy sigh *

I love it when it looks like that. Because...did you know? The state of my room generally reflects the state of my life.

If it looks like a tornado hit my room, I guarantee you I'm running around with my hair on fire. I'm barely getting enough sleep, I throw a load of laundry in whenever I have a spare second, and I barely made it through my run that evening after work, but really just wanted to pass out on the sidewalk. I'm running from one commitment to the next, and probably still missing out on fourteen other things and have at least one person mad at me for not making it that far down the "to do" list for the day. I manage to utter a sleepy prayer as my head hits the pillow, and probably hit the snooze button four times the next morning before I crawl to the bathroom and brush my teeth. It's during these times I sincerely desire whatever contraption it was Jane Jetson had that did her hair and makeup, made the bed, brushed her teeth, etc. all while she just sat there wiping the sleep from her eyes. ...Either that, or I need a stool I can sit on while I brush my teeth because being awake is still cruel and unusual punishment.

I know, I know. Did you know life as just me could get so hectic?! I wonder how women with a husband and children do it. No. Let's not wonder about that. It makes my head spin.

If my room is clean and orderly, that means I get up when my alarm rings, I say my morning prayers, kneeling down, out loud, I do my scripture study, I shower, I get ready all the way (no shortcuts) and wear something other than a polo to work, and still get to work on time. I'm insanely productive at work, I run/work out with super-hero energy after work, and I still make it to everything I need to by the time I need to go to bed, and it's all done before the next day has started. Everything is put away, my laundry is done, and I probably even wrote in my journal. The only thing I lack in these times is a Mary Poppins bag, but even that sometimes comes to fruition because I probably just found a great new purse, AND it was on sale.

I'm so on top of things it's almost scary.

But that kind of perfection isn't supposed to last, right? ...so then of course something happens to make the tornado hit and I start running crazy again.

But just for that one brief moment last night - I felt like I could breathe again. If everything was in its place, I could think clearly, and if you'd asked in that moment, there wouldn't be anything I couldn't handle.

I know what you're thinking: DeeAura, could you BE any more random?

Well, yeah. Easily.

I went to Nauvoo two weeks ago, and I always love it there - but going there is always sort of a catch 22 for me. For some reason, whenever I go there, I'm always reminded there's something more. Something more to my life, and more to do than I am now doing. I felt that so strongly this time. This is a GOOD thing, but bad in the sense that when I came home...I still can't shake the feeling.

Progression can be so obnoxious sometimes. :)

I guess in all the crazy running about, I've finally reached a quiet spot in the climb and within that quiet is the whispering of a little more clarity...and I'm so grateful for it. I'll go and do, but for one brief second, I just wanted to sit in the peace and quiet it brought to my soul.

So that's all for now. Today I'm just grateful for the calm.

...even though my desk at work looks like this lately:

No matter. :)