Question:
"Dee, I keep checking your blog, and it's the same post from forever ago. Um...what's the deal?"
- the five people who read my blog
Answer:
I have a problem.
"Dee, I keep checking your blog, and it's the same post from forever ago. Um...what's the deal?"
- the five people who read my blog
Answer:
I have a problem.
-Dee
See that sign below? I feel like I've been standing in front of it for so long I can't remember a time before standing in front of this sign.Show me a sign! Show me a sign!
Crap.
Stop showing me THIS sign!
Crap.
Stop showing me THIS sign!
Remember those anti-drug commercials of the 80's/90's?"This is your brain."
Insert picture of normal, healthy brain.
"This is your brain on drugs."
Insert some version of picture below...
(okay, so maybe the picture wasn't scrambled eggs...I can't remember for sure right now. But that's what I think I remember. haha.)
Yuck. Who wants scrambled brains? Not me. So...I never took drugs. HAHA. The irony of it all, however, is that I ended up just the same:this is my brain on decisions.
AGGRAVATION!!I'm serious. Something needs to change; something HAS to change. I can it feel all the time, but every time I try to make some kind of change:
enter brick wall.
New Job?Same Job?
Grad school?
Grad school for free?
Grad school for $$$NOT FREE$$$?
Choir?
Move?
Stay?
*%#@^&!!!
STOP!!!
It's even frustrating to BLOG about! I get tired of thinking about it, trying to figure things out, and then I just tell myself: "Hey, get a grip. Your life is just fine. The grass is not always greener." That only works for so long, and then the horrid cycle starts all over again.
Hello, headache. :)
Aaaaanyway.
See? This is why I don't blog right now. Who wants to read this?! Haha. It's not like I haven't tried: there are probably a dozen drafts sitting in my Posts. Do they get published? NOPE. Writing usually helps me figure things out. Not anymore! These days, I just sit in front of my journal and stare; unable to even process the head mush into something of substance. EW.What is wrong with me?!?!
Good GRIEF.
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward."
-Amelia Earhart
Don't worry - I have a whole list of good decisions. The only problem with this list? I can't do everything all at once...and everything overlaps. It's down to the waiting game that has become my life. I'm probably just freaking out over the waiting.
* sigh *
Right?
I'll let you know when the world stops spinning.
Good GRIEF.
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward."
-Amelia Earhart
Don't worry - I have a whole list of good decisions. The only problem with this list? I can't do everything all at once...and everything overlaps. It's down to the waiting game that has become my life. I'm probably just freaking out over the waiting.
* sigh *
Right?
I'll let you know when the world stops spinning.
10 comments:
Um... your scrambled brains look really tastey. I'm suddenly craving eggs. On a DIFFERENT note: Oh I'm sorry DeeAura! I hate the brick wall feeling! You are one of the most put together, strong, smart, and guided people I know. I'm sure things will clear up soon. (Sorry for the sad attempt at consolation, but it's really how I feel!) I love you and miss you!! And. I ALSO have missed your blog posts filled with witty banter. :)
Um...actually I love reading posts like this, thank you very much! Um, can we be friends? Because I feel the same way... ish... but we have discussed this fact already. We need to play soon. Seriously.
I like your posts. I sympathize. I can't say I'm much better off. Other than I stumbled upon a boy who likes me... and now I pray that you will do the same, because well I need you to be in the same phase of life as me, so that we can do doubles and complain about needing more education and fulfilling jobs together. These types of things are always better when someone's in it with you. At any rate though, I'll be back in Utah in 2 weeks... and I'm stoked to hang out with you... scrambled brains and all.
I miss you. :)
Decisions are so tough sometimes! Especially when they can have such a huge impact on the rest of your life. I wish you luck, my friend. I wish I could insert some awesome piece of advice that would make you feel better, or just something. But I'll just tell you that I love your face :) Heavenly Father will help you know what is best. In His time.
Okay ... Here is the thing: I definitely would NOT be taking advice from Miss Amelia. From what I gather ... she is either a white slave in China, dead in the atlantic, or running away from her problems in Africa. Just sayin'.
I love you! Take deep breaths!
This is totally your blog, you can post whenever you want! And you don't even need to apologize for it. :)
Regrettably, I totally feel ya. Boo. But I do have to take issue with this statement:
"See? This is why I don't blog right now. Who wants to read this?!"
I totally enjoyed reading this. You are entertaining even when you don't know it. :)
I hate that. Good luck, Dee. I miss you and your face and stuff.
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