"Dating" take 7 million.

Okay. Quickly. Remember all the hype a few years about "Dating versus Hanging Out?" And now everyone can't stop talking about "He's just not that into you?" I confess, I've read the first one, but haven't touched the second one. Yet. Mostly because I've heard so much about it, I practically have it spilling out my ears.

Let's go back to DeeAura's summer of 2006. Extremely busy summer. I worked efy every single blasted week, didn't hardly get any sleep, my little sister got married...and so on. I was experiencing the same thing that happened to me every summer I worked efy: regroup and re-evaluate my life.

Anyway - the biggest thing that came out of that summer for me was "no hanging out." I was listening to one particular session director one Sunday night, and he was really going to town with this issue. I don't know why this, of all the things I learned that summer, was the major thing, but it was. As I was sitting there paying attention, I started thinking about my life; dating life, in particular.

1. I had a plethora of male friends. Love it. Love them. But I'd always had this problem: I was always the "really good" friend. Really. Always.
2. I was the girl boys come to when they really need something. (eg: helping them shop for clothes only to find out mid-shopping that it was for a hot date with some girl they barely knew. ugh.)
   
3. I was the one who would stop/rearrange my life for my friends. I would do this for the girls and guys alike, but since I clearly only date the boys, doing this for girls is an entirely different issue.
4. Parents always love me. I don't know why. (With the uncomfortable exception of one. She was a fluke. I've mulled it over countless times and simply cannot explain her.) I secretly dread meeting the parents; not because I'm afraid they won't like me, but because the boy freaks out every. single. time. It's all fun and games 'til your mom loves the girl you're dating, I guess. (Seems incredibly backwards to me, but clearly I do not have all the answers.)

And that was just the tip of the iceberg. I had a million guy friends, but hardly any dates. (And I know I'm not the only girl like this.) We could hang out in big groups laughing til we cried until 2 a.m., but when it came time for a date...do I really have to spell it out? I think you get the picture. But the bottom line? It was partly my own fault! WHAT?

This is not to say I never had dates. I did. But the ratio of hanging out with my million guy friends vs. actually going on dates with them was a staggering and sickly figure.

Anyway. Whatever. I decided to really give it a shot. Put my foot down, and leave it there. See what changed, or what happened.

It was a little hard, a little weird, and a little scary at first, but after explaining it a couple zillion times to a few particular guys, they seemed to get it. (after they were surprisingly mad. weird.) I started dating someone I'd met that summer, and actually experienced quite a reaction from a few of my "guy friends" at the news that I actually had a *gasp* boyfriend. I can't even tell you how many "he's not good enough for you" talks these boys gave me. Up until that point, they'd always been able to call me last minute, etc. All of a sudden, they actually had to work harder. Remember me? The friend girl? Oh, wait. Not anymore.

Deep breaths here. Anyway, skipping over all the gory details of that particular year, I don't think I could necessarily say I have more dating success. In fact, I ended up moving away from all those friends to a completely new environment and dating game. BUT I feel a million times better about all things "dating." Even though it doesn't seem like that should make any sense whatsoever if you're only looking at the "numbers." :)

Plus, I can't really blame guys entirely. I'm picky. Always have been, and probably always will be. But I'm picky about myself, too, so no one needs to feel...picked on or anything. (* snicker *) Somehow, I've always known what I was looking for, but I very rarely find it. Or maybe the truth is that I just haven't found it yet. This doesn't mean I'm looking for the perfect guy. Potential, people. Potential.

I'm open-minded about dating, (i think, i hope) but if I know I'm not interested or it's not going to go anywhere, I'm pretty clear about it pretty quickly. I'm not the "going for free dinner" kind of girl, and I just can't swallow going out on a date with someone who can't even pick up the phone to call me. aka: text. Maybe I should be, but I'm just not. End of story. I expect the same thing of guys. If I feel like they're messing around, I'll tell 'em and get out. If I was wrong, I'm open to the explanation.
The last thing I have to say about all of this is that I get so tired of the other result of the popular propaganda on this subject...every time I hear the resulting somewhat-negative banter, my head is screaming some version of the following:

1. Girls, every guy you have ever met is actually not a jerk. (some are, yes, but it's not a general rule. same goes for girls, guys.)
   
2. Remember guys are human, too. Girls do thoughtless things to guys just like guys do thoughtless things to girls. It's not always on purpose. Just because you get your ego bruised doesn't mean you can go around spewing your anger all over the opposite sex.
3. That goes for guys and girls. I include myself in these reminders.
4. I think dating can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you're expecting every guy to be a jerk, then every guy you date will be a jerk; even if it's only in your head. And guys, if you think every girl is just out to screw you over, then hey, guess what. She will. Once again, even if it's only in your own version of the story. You get what you expect to get. 99.9% of the time. The exceptions are not the rule.
5. Also, just because you want someone to be the "one" doesn't make them so. Accept the negative answer, however stinging it might be, and move on. It'll eventually be okay.
   
6. I don't think dating/relationship success lies in how many dates you have, or even if you end up getting married to that person. I think success here lies in what kind of person you turn out to be because of the people you've dated - or maybe in spite of them. I think the impression others have of you afterward says quite a lot about your "success."
7. P.S. relationships take work, people. work!
   

Okay, I'm done. I can't even begin to say I know all the answers; I can't even say I know, without a doubt, that I'm really right about everything I just said. *shrugging my shoulders* Take it or leave it, I guess. Until take 7 million and 1.