And who says the movies aren't real life?

Last weekend my roommate and I got sucked into one of the worst films ever made: 

Twilight. 

Specifically the second one. 

I know. But it was on TV, we were super tired, and suddenly there we were: watching it. Dying just a little more on the inside every time Kristen Stewart opens her mouth to say something. I will even admit to DVRing the entire thing so we could fast forward through the commercials. This, however, had its advantages when Jacob so gallantly swoops in and saves Bella from that nasty cut on her head by ripping his shirt off and dabbing her forehead. Because we were so prepared, this meant we could laugh over and over and over again every time we played that scene. Best worst thing I've ever seen. :)

She's so dumb. And the movie is horrendous. Have I mentioned that yet? 

This particular scene was somewhat funny at the time, but only marginally so, and we didn't go back to watch it again like the aforementioned scene. But if only I had known the real-life application I was about to encounter the following week...

As I innocently perused some photos today in search of something particular so as to prove a point in a contest of opinions I was having with a friend., I cam across this gem and maybe I peed a little. So it's at a ward activity, and is not entirely what it looks like, but...

GUYS. We clearly don't give Hollywood enough credit. 

I realize how stunning I look in this picture. Let's ignore my facial expression, and focus on the comic relief of the moment.  They even both look a little like vampires with their red eye. I, however, am an infinitely better actress than lame-face Bella. Just for the record. But that's because I can do that with my face, and she...can't. 

Last November I found something to be grateful for every day, and it was kind of great. This November (though it may be a day late) I'll try to do that again, but I feel like this can count for two things because...hey, there are two pictures here, AND a horrible movie clip. 

And who isn't grateful for that kind of goodness? 

Happy freakin' Friday. 

Dinner-in-a-pumpkin. Or Jack-o-lantern innards. Or Pumpkin Dinner. Whatever you want to call it. I'm drooling just thinking about it...

Yesterday, I finally got to make my favorite fall meal. My grandma is the one I credit this culinary masterpiece GOODNESS with, but it has since become a favorite in my family, and I've done my utmost to bring every roommate I've ever had over to the enlightened side. 

So now, in celebration of my happiness of yesterday, here's a little food story. With instructions for creation, if desired. Also, we watched Pirates of Penzance while we waited and I'm positively positive that only added to my sheer joy. Kevin Kline is my all-time favorite, and Gilbert & Sullivan are genius in comic opera form. Don't knock it 'til you try it, and be prepared to listen and laugh, laugh, laugh. Here's a tiny clip for you:

Okay, moving on to pumpkin dinner goodness. 

How to partake of fall goodness, pre-Pilgrims and Indians style:

Purchase a pumpkin about the size of the bowl you would use to serve however many you're serving. To serve four of us last night, I bought one about the size of a child's bowling ball, and we had some leftovers. Just remember, the bigger the pumpkin, the longer it will have to cook. 

Wash off the pumpkin and put it in a preheated oven at 450. You'll cut it open and clean it out pretty soon, but not yet. 

Meanwhile, cook a package of hamburger (or turkey burger) and simultaneously put about two cups of rice on to cook. 

Add onions, celery salt, and onion powder to the meat while it's cooking. You can add garlic in as well unless you're completely opposed. I have used dehydrated onions and fresh onions, and both are just as good. As soon as the meat starts to brown, lightly cover the meat in Worcestershire sauce, and allow it to keep cooking, turning the heat down lower so it will take in the flavor a little more as it cooks. After the heat is lower, put about 2T of brown sugar in the meat and mix it in. A dash of sage is also REALLY good in this, I just usually don't have it on hand, but it's SO good. If you haven't caught on by now, the meat is the focus here. Get as much fall flavor in there as possible, and let it simmer. If you cook it too high, the sugar will start for form a sort of sticky syrup and that's going a little far. If it's too thick, add more Worcestershire sauce, and if it's too liquidy, let it cook out a bit. 

At this point, pull the pumpkin out of the oven, and carefully (with a hot pad on the stem) cut it open and hollow it out. You can hollow it out before you start cooking it, but I've found this way to be easier to clean it out and keep it cooking while you prepare all the other ingredients. Your end goal with this pumpkin is to have it completely cooked through so the sides will scrape out with the rice mixture in the end. 

Combine the meat and rice in a bowl with two cans of Cream of Mushroom soup and 3-4 cups of shredded cheese. (I've used all cheddar before, but half cheddar, half smoked gouda is to DIE for.) The cheese is your choice. Combine everything together, and scoop as much as possible into the pumpkin. Don't be afraid to fill it all the way to the top. Put the pumpkin lid back on, and put the whole thing back in the oven. 

The oven should still be at 450 at this point, but depending on your oven, you'll want to watch it and turn it down if necessary. It should cook like this for about 60-80 minutes. About halfway through, I usually turn the oven down to 350, especially if the top is burning. It's just fine for the outside of the pumpkin to get pretty dark. 

I'll check on it every 30 min or so and just poke it with a fork to assess the done-ness of the pumpkin. :) Once it's done, take it out, and carefully cut a jack-o-lantern face in the skin of the pumpkin. (it should peel off easily by now) Put the finished product on a serving plate/platter, and voila! Culinary masterpiece!

Serve with salt and pepper, and even though it might sound weird, MAPLE SYRUP. Trust me on this one, especially if you like sweet and salty combos. It's to die for. When you scoop the rice/hamburger mixture out of the pumpkin, make sure to scrape pumpkin out with it. That's the whole point. 

Once you're done eating all this fall goodness, if you happen to have leftovers, just peel the skin off the pumpkin and thank yourself the next day when you have the most delicious leftovers before Thanksgiving. Ever. 

The end. And you're welcome. Also, I'm sorry I cook this way and the recipe below is somewhat less than specific. But that's part of the adventure here...make it the way you like it. That way you can't tell me it's too salty or too sweet. You have to taste as you go. It's basically required.

1 child-sized bowling ball pumpkin

2 cups cooked rice

1 package hamburger or turkey burger

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

2-4 cups of cheddar/smoked gouda cheese

Worcestershire Sauce

2 T brown sugar

celery salt

Onions (dehydrated or fresh minced)

onion powder

salt and pepper

maple syrup

1 knife for cutting and slicing and playing Joker on the pumpkin

1 spoon for scraping out innards. 

Yes, this is how I come back after almost two months of blogger silence.

Pardon my rant. 

"Hi, boys! I'm best friend girl. Talk to me about anything and everything. But most of all, please. Constantly ask me to set you up with my beautiful friends."

REALLY?

I think I'm flattered on some level that you think I'm approachable enough to ask me for...a date with my friend.

I think.

So until now, I've usually obliged to paving the way for guys who want a date with a friend of mine.
Unless I think it's the worst idea ever.
But at the end of the day, 90% of the time...why oh why does it bother me?

It has been bothering me that I can't figure out why it bothers me.
It's not like I necessarily want a date with you.
No, that's not it.
Though, let's be honest, if you'd ever asked, I probably would have gone on a date with you.
But instead, I just get to hear about all your dating woes.
Which is what friends do.
But HONESTLY.

Dudes, get a clue. If you want a date with a beautiful girl, man up and ask her for it yourself.

I am not your gateway to hot girl dates.

Eventually, I will phase you out if all you're doing is asking me for dates with my friends.
A) Because no self-respecting girl puts up with that for long.
and B) Because you're supposed to be the man.

If you don't have her number, but you find out about her by stalking her on the fb because we're in pictures together, I invite you to use the "message" feature so nicely built in to fb. Just a suggestion.

Don't put me in the middle of it.

And no. I don't think I care if she thinks you're a crazy stalker because you found her on facebook.

There's a strong possibility you're not the first guy to think she's attractive, nor will you be the last.

Eventually I'm gonna punch one of you and then feel really bad about it afterward.
Don't label me the crazy girl when it was your pansy approach to dating that got us here in the first place.
"Here" being the part where I punch you for being a moron.

Yeah, hitting publish now.
Because that's what normal, happy, well-adjusted folks do: rant on the blog, and then publish it.

Mmmm-hmmm.


Dude version:

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Stop asking me to set you up with my friends or I will sucker-punch you.

cake. bites.

This girl needs to go grocery shopping.

Pretend you need proof, and behold: my breakfast this morning.

I know cake bites are not meant for breakfast. But I haaaaaaate grocery shopping...I just want to pay and watch all the healthy stuff appear in my cupboards. 

Then I'd GLADLY refrain from the cake bites. 

...at least for breakfast....

Friend Suggestions! Updates! Stay Connected!

Social Media is super helpful these days.

They give suggestions all the time.

I like suggestions.

Except when they tell me I should consider being friends with an ex-boyfriend.

That's a terrible suggestion.

Hi! You should request friendship with the guy who picked somebody else, or the guy who turned out to be a giant d-bag!!! WE THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA!!

I'm pretty sure I can make that decision for myself...

And for the record, I am "friends" with certain ex-boyfriends.

Um...but...that doesn't mean I want/need to know every time they "like" Amazon, or...well...

So this came to my email this morning.

And this is how my brain translated it:

Social media needs relationship filters. 

And REALLY??? His face needed to be the big, top one????

Goo. 

I know. I could solve all of this by just disconnecting from said individuals on social media sites of all kinds.

That's not the point.

On the other hand, all the other people in this picture are wonderful and quite nice looking.

That's all. Carry on.

Oh. And sorry I said d-bag on my blog. 

Mountain Men and Gnomes

This is my mini-garden. Every summer I desperately want to plant stuff, and I either wait too long, or I kill what I do manage to plant because I forget about it. (Let's not make any parenting analogies here, okay?) But this summer, they're alive! They're living!

It's probably because of the gnome. He's the only new factor in this experiment, so I'm giving him all the credit.

Except let's just take a moment to thank me for watering everything obsessively. Pretty sure the gnome can't do that. 

My only downfall was planting my favorite, the cilantro, in a spot that apparently gets direct sunlight for much of the day. Crunchy, dry, dead cilantro. NOT okay. I cried one single solitary tear.

I'll go get a new cilantro plant soon...mostly because I wish every dish contained cilantro, and this is how I ensure I have a plentiful supply.

Meanwhile, the basil lives on and since this is my second favorite herb, I've managed to make it through my currently cilantro-less existence.

Moving on. Time for a little math:

DeeAura + any opportunity to bruise/scar = 

guaranteed SUCCESS

I never really was all that great at math, but that's not the point. The point is, it's time to be out in the sunshine, and that usually means it's hot, which will then consequently usually involve large bodies of water. Or at least a garden hose.

Exhibit A: Multi-ward giant water slide, fantastic hill, lots of mud, rocks at the bottom...of course we went multiple times.

And of course our legs all looked like crazy cats attacked them. Even our bishop (who is just plain crazy...and fantastic) got some sweet scars. But really - this picture may not show our shredded legs, but it's a true story.

So, of course, I gave those scars about a week to heal before I went out and wreaked any more havoc on my body.

Exhibit B: This would be the results of boating out on Utah Lake when the waves are so high we should've just been surfing: leg, meet water. SMACK. I hate tubing. I'd much rather wakeboard. 

I've never had a wakeboard throw me up in the air and slam me back to the water with quite that much gravitational rage.

If I see that tube again, it's dead to me.

That would be after a mere 24 hours. My ability to bruise is NOT conducive to swimsuit season.

I know. The fact I'm showing you this much of my leg is KILLING you right now.

so. entirely. gross.

I took last night off of life just to ice the monster on my leg.

...And watch numerous episodes of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman...

Sully has some terrible lines, but...I just...he's a mountain man. And apparently I think that's attractive.

Huh.

I'm embarrassed I like watching it so much. But I do. I just do.

Heinously predictable script aside.

Oh, and while I'm rambling on about stupid useless stuff:

Sometimes I think my next-door neighbor looks kind of like Sully, and I have a 30-second crush on him.
But then his girlfriend/wife (I haven't figured out which) comes riding up on her stupid scooter, and I remember he puts his hair in a ponytail and there's still a part of my brain awake enough to snap out of it.

Because this is real life. 

And in real life, I need to fold my last load of laundry.

And go running (as soon as the stupid bruise stops killing me). 

Because I still want to run this baby next weekend. Time will tell if my run-ins with nature will allow such insanity...

And remind myself it's only 53 days to Hawaii with these happy faces!

(Thanks, Bethany, for the picture. I obviously stole it from you.) :)

Note to self: never again plan your summer vacation for the absolute end of the summer.

All this waiting is not necessary.

And p.s. I really like my life right now. REALLY.

So this makes me a tiny bit nervous because that's usually about when things turn upside down and change.

There are possible changes on the horizon, and they're starting to freak me out.

I'm doing my best to ignore that feeling and just enjoy normalcy while it still exists.

So I refuse to write about them until they're real.

Because this blog is only for real stuff.

Like mountain men and gnomes.

The do-whatever-you-want Day

Saturday morning I woke up excited. Why?

Because there wasn't a THING I had to do that day. Not one single solitary duty.

* happy dance*

First things first: my roommate Whitney and I hiked the Y. I used to go almost every week last summer, but don't worry - I haven't done it since then. So why not start again, right?

Yeah, climbing up a mountain is kind of hard.

I swear it was easier last summer...so clearly I have to do it once a week until it doesn't make me want to die  at every other switchback. 

But there we are at the top! 

I love that view.

Luckily, Whit didn't have anything she had to do that day either, so what did we do the second we got home from the Y? 

Uh, Seven Peaks of course.

From running shorts to swimsuit in 0 to 60 seconds. 

Seriously though. Fastest change of my life!

For avid Seven Peak-ers, this isn't anything new, but the "Boomerang" is basically just a biiiiig wedgie slide. FYI.

But it's fine because you know EVERYONE is getting that same result, so it's actually that much more entertaining. :)

Then after hours and hours of summer sunshine, does it get better?

YES, my friends. It does.

Because afterward you get the best snow cone of your life because it's a bajillion degrees outside, and you eat it so fast you get a brain freeze, which causes you to neglect any desire you may have had previously to document such goodness.

But it was worth it.

The next entertaining part of the day happened when I went to the grocery store to grab a few necessities shortly thereafter.

In a shirt that apparently is the exact match for my phone cover...

Which two total strangers (both men) pointed out to me with big grins while I was still on the phone.

Embarrassing AND funny. 

Give strangers appropriate silent humor response, (as I am CLEARLY on the phone) shrug shoulders, grab cilantro, exit store.

Make mental note to separate wearing of said shirt and simultaneous act of talking on phone in public.

Moving on.

We ended the most perfect day of no responsibility by watching "The Wizard of Oz" at a local outdoor amphitheater done by a cast that was actually fun to watch!

Sometimes local community theater can be...er...cheesy and a bit empty, and can make me feel like dying on the inside, but this was actually well done, and I genuinely had a great time!

The Scarecrow was the best one, though. He was hysterical!

I wanted to watch it again.

They were just cute.

NOT as cute, however, as these two little girls next to us that I creepily captured oh my phone.

It might not look like it here since they're super involved at the moment, but they kept excitedly grinning at each other throughout the whole show. They LOVED it, and it just made me have an extra good time.

"The Wizard of Oz" was my faaaavorite movie as a little girl, so watching these two just took me back to playing pretend Oz with my friends.

...under which circumstances I was always Dorothy, of course.

Mom was the Wicked Witch of the West. By default. She always made us stop playing. Clearly type-casting.

Anyway.

Seriously so much fun!

Except for the dummy in the jeans behind us.

I wanted to smack him the whole time. 

But we don't talk about stupid people on happy days. :)

Especially when someone left their extra ticket at the box office, and they gave it to us for free so the whole experience was a whopping $5.

WIN. :)