"I wish you courage during this time."

Sometimes I write a blog post, and just as I'm about to click "PUBLISH POST" I think..."Really? Isn't this more like a journal entry than something entertaining to share with the blogging world? Shouldn't you just be funny?" Ahem. So I apologize if that's how you feel. :) Maybe today's post mostly just helps me. hahha. I don't know. But I promise I wasn't actually just thinking of myself while simultaneously thinking and typing. Take it or leave it!

So I have this friend, Allyson, who writes one of my favorite blogs to read. We went to high school together, she's two years younger than I am, married, working on her PhD, and is basically phenomenal. No big deal. I only wish we'd known each other better in the good ol BEHS days, but gleaning from her growing wisdom, color, and zest for life via blog these days isn't too shabby, so I'll take it. Thank you Allyson. :)

Anyway, when I was reading her blog today, something she wrote practically jumped out from the page at me.

 

"I wish you courage during this time."  

(something a friend of hers wrote to someone else having a difficult time.)

"And it struck a deep, resonating chord with me. Because all of us do hard things all the time. And in addition to the "thoughts and prayers" all we really need is courage to survive it all."

There are times, sure lately, but also in the past, and I know there will be times in the future, when I have found myself facing something I do not understand at all. I don't understand how it happened, or why it happened, or how in the world I am supposed to get over, around, or through it. And I know I'm not the only one who has or ever will feel that way. Sometimes even the realization I need courage can feel overwhelming. But then I find myself seeing what someone else might need that courage for, and I suddenly find context for my experience.

You know. The whole insurmountable odds feeling. Me against that theoretical, yet all too real formidable brick wall. Knowing I have to get over it, but having no idea how. Like that's gonna happen.  But that's also when a favorite scripture of mine comes to mind. It's simple, but I think that's part of why I like it. Life is complicated enough. It's nice when the answers are simple.

"...I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." 1 Nephi 11:17

I love that Nephi is so honest in just plainly admitting what he doesn't know. But notice he doesn't just leave it at that. In fact, he doesn't even start out with what he doesn't know. He starts with what he knows, admits what he doesn't know, and that allows him to be taught. To learn. To move forward.

I think most of us would just sit in defeat and state what we didn't know and then hope the answer drops in our lap somehow. We know that's not how it really works, but that's the natural tendency. "I just don't know what the answer is, or what to do. Help. Fix it."

In mere general summary, Nephi is an incredible example of going forward in faith, and he accomplished many otherwise impossible things with the Lord's help. Nephi knew how to let the Lord prepare him to do whatever the Lord needed him to do. Nephi was incredibly obedient, and that takes a LOT of faith.

But don't get scared off by that image of perfection. If you think about it...that doesn't make him perfect; as in that doesn't mean I can't relate to him, or that he couldn't relate to me. And it doesn't mean he never felt fear or sadness or pain. These things are a part of life for EVERYONE. In fact, if opposition really is in all things...then...taking from Nephi's words:

something I don't know + something I know = the ability to move forward

 In order to actually learn anything, we have to first NOT know it. (Well duh, DeeAura...) Otherwise, there would be no point in learning it. You wouldn't pay college tuition to sit through a class you could teach because you already know everything. (Okay, maybe you would, but if you're doing that, you're not reaching your full potential.) In order for learning to take place, some kind of preparation is also required. An application of a new concept to something I already know enables me to learn something new. Knowledge builds on itself.

Preparation is always necessary for progress..

So no experience I have, or you have, is ever wasted.

I can't really explain the mechanics of how that works, but I just know it does. Unfortunately, that doesn't always take the fear out of unknown or the sting out of disappointments. And let's be honest: we're all a little afraid of what we can't see or don't understand or just don't know.

I think that's where courage comes in. Courage to move ahead when you can't see very far in front of you. So not to use someone else's words (I never do that..) but:

"I wish you courage during this time." 

-a person I wish I knew :)

That's for a number of people, and okay we can include me in there. But my mom always tells me it's darkest before the dawn. That things get the hardest before they get better. When it seems so dark you can't see anything in front of you...to hold on. Because the light is JUST around the corner. When the unknowns are just too..unknown, it is the constants we have to hold on to.


And for me, that constant is like Nephi's: "I know that He loveth His children..." so it's okay that I don't know everything else in front of me. Because I really DO know that.

Fresh. Courage. Take. 

Because sometimes it just needs to be renewed.

And on that note, today's favorite youtube discovery is this:

The glorious beings we are CAPABLE of becoming:

Even toward the end of a work day, or...any day, really...it doesn't have to be a 9-5 kind of thing..sometimes...you just need a lift. And boy oh boy was this and a glorious 30 minute scripture study break at work ever my lift today. :) I am so blessed to have a job where I can DO that almost whenever I need to. I forget sometimes what a blessing that is. I walk down the halls sometimes and see people listening to conference on their computers while working, and it just makes me so happy. I do it, too. I forget not everybody can. One more thing to be completely grateful for today.

A knowledge of the gospel is the most beautiful, most complete, and most reliable thing I could ever have.

"He can heal us." 

"The peace of God which passeth all understanding..." 

"...More than enough."

"Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, our Heavenly Father won't, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming." 

"We must be firmly attached to Him."

"...which FAITH will make them WHOLE..."

Happy Wednesday. :)

Acceptance of Appropriate Accolades

I've mentioned this here before, albeit breifly, but I have a confession:

Sometimes, when I sit quietly in a meeting or a class...it can be anything from church to work to school...I have this sudden, strong urge to just leap up on my chair in one swift movement and burst into song. We're not talking an Enchanted moment with fluttery birds and magical moments here...but a real blow the roof off the building and everyone's mind kind of event. NBD.

I will, of course, star in said fantastic musical moment.

This generally happens when I'm sitting in Sacrament Meeting. :) Oops. I'm not gonna lie. It's usually when my mind starts to wander and there's a song I can't get out of my head. It also happened a lot in my undergrad when I'd be sitting listening to the professor drone on about statistics or economics (which I admit I only took for 2 days until I learned it wasn't required...PEACE OUT, yo...) and my mind stared in disgust at all the boring subjects around me and just wanted to help bring everybody out from the 6-feet-under screams I just knew were begging them to leave such drudgery behind.

Don't you dare tell me you'd rather discuss the production, distribution, and consumption of goods and services than laugh your head off or be dazzled by the vocal stylings of yours truly. A) because it's rude to tell me that, and B) because it's just not true. I'm seriously amazing...in my head. The song choice tends to change from day to day, but...today it might be something like THIS:



OR maybe this:



Right?! Seriously. I would rock your socks off. All that gusto... 

Hey, Mister Arnstein, HERE I AAAAAAAM! 

TAKE me baby, or leeeeave me, I'm gone!

Whew. Time for heart rate to return to normal. BAM!

If nothing else, this happens on a regular basis when I'm driving in my car and no one else is there to hear me. Except for Frank.

Which brings me to my next point.

It's time for this buddy to hit the road. But his name isn't Jack.

This is Frank. Some of you have met him before. I never name my cars. If you know me well at all, you know I generally look down on naming inanimate objects; er, non-living things. Call it whatever you like, but I just generally find it odd. :) But...for whatever reason, this car deserved a name. Maybe because he was my first real car...you know, one that didn't have the bumper falling off when it wasn't held on with a bunji cord or a flat tire every two weeks during the winter (I affectionately named that car "hunk of junk" and we were together for six years.) ...things like that. Fred really has pulled through every season with flying colors. I'm proud of him for that. However, we did get in a terrible fight last spring when he broke my finger in his door. BADLY DONE, FRANK. BADLY DONE. The only other thing Frank has ever really done wrong is cost me a lot of money in gas. Ask me why I listened to the salesman when he pointed out how handy it was that there were carseat...things...for the backseat. I don't know what they're called, but if I were a mother of more than one toddler, this car would truly be useful. Uh...I don't know if you've noticed...but I own not a single toddler. (Can one even own a toddler? posess? I don't know why this requires ownership...) Anyway. He's really just too big for me and my life. He's awfully comfortable, and we've had some great times together. Tall people can sit comfortably in the back seat. Uh...once again...I never sit in the back seat, and the number of times a tall person is in the BACK seat is just not worth the gas money Frank requires. I'm not certain of the exact date of the parting of our ways, but...it's coming soon.

Sorry, Frank. I'll try to increase the number of times we have together between now and then when you MAY hear me belt out some great tunes. Because I know at least you appreciate it.

Also, totally unrelated to anything else here, but sometimes, when I'm witty or hysterical on facebook...I wish I could "like" my own comments. Not just once, but repeatedly. And I find it odd sometimes when more people don't "like" it far more than they do. We need to learn to show our APPRECIATION more often, people! C'mon! Things like, "Dear DeeAura, you are so funny sometimes I think I'm going to pee my pants." Stuff like that. Because I think it's funny to say stuff like "pee my pants." (Sorry, Dad...)

Most importantly, did you know there are 10" of new snow today in the mountains? Did you FURTHER know that I am actually at work right now instead of flying through all 10" of that powder?

In all seriousness, I think my sense of responsibility today deserves the standing ovation. Let's. Be. Honest.

Go ahead. I will graciously accept your accolades, starting now. Thank you, thank you very much.

"They do not love that do not show their love..."

Today, I had every intention in writing about the first Valentines Day I had that included something other than candy hearts in my box on my desk in elementary school. Ahem. However, today has been crazy and I haven't had time to properly reflect on the parallels between that 7th grade experience of having my locker crammed to overflowing with expressions of love and devotion that this 12-year-old girl didn't have the experience nor the maturity to fully appreciate...and life today. :)

You know, go the normal DeeAura route and possibly over-analyze and go deeper than is usually necessary...  :)

But then I decided to let someone older, wiser, and far more eloquent speak for me in this case; since I am clearly a work in progress on this matter. :) And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that (being a work in progress) I just would rather hear what he has to say than read my rantings about Taylor Swift later on and regret my words. :)

Just for one day. 

I'll rant about Taylor Swift and her inability to move on another day.

How do I love thee...

"The solutions to life's problems are always gospel solutions."

"Real love is best shown in the how. How do I love thee..."

"There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them."

"True Love blooms when we care more about another person than we do about ourselves."

"You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart."

"How should I love thee? As He does, for that way "never faileth."

I guess the real thing I wanted to say today is so much more like what Elder Holland says so beautifully. You can read his whole talk here.

Today, I love that I have an overwhelming number of opportunities to get outside my own life and my own worries and take time for other people. Being able to love and serve other people on a daily basis really does make all the difference in life!

So Happy Valentines Day...now go find a way to show someone else you love them. It's all in the HOW. :)

Tuesdays with moreeeee useless information...

Wanna know what I just discovered?  It is sad on multiple levels. Also revealing and slightly funny.

If you happen to accidentally leave a piece of string cheese in a can of Pringles...(YES this just happened to me.  What?) By the next day, said Pringles will no longer be crispy - at all.

And for those of you doing the fitness challenge with me in my ward, you can just stop right there on how it serves me right for buying Pringles in the first place, because...if YOU had been snowboarding all day and it was time to go home, and your closest food choices consist of the contents of a nearby 7-11..and you could either get Pringles or a hot dog you're not sure WHERE it came from...I'm pretty sure you'd choose the Pringles too.

Also, you'd probably grab a string cheese and a water bottle and a two fig newtons on your way out - because...well, you DO need a well-balanced meal...

But then you would have already read this blog so you'd make certain to not accidentally drop half the string cheese in the can overnight.

*sigh* I'm disgusting.  AND sad. Also a little tiny bit funny.  :)

...I also just popped a less crispy Pringle in my mouth because I'm STILL that hungry.

Happy Tuesday.  :)

Also, it was Justin Timberlake's 30th birthday yesterday.  He's totally hot and admittedly single.  Also I've loved him since I was 14 and he was 16. Sit back world, if he's not in a rush or worried about it, neither am I.  I can wait for him.  I can and I will. Also, if I had to choose between him and Usher, I'd cry.  But I try not to get ahead of myself...

 Also, the radio gave me these thoughts today:

Paramore's "You Are The Only Exception"

Okay, ambigious male figure she's singing so lovingly about: you're actually not the only exception.  Just fyi. If she has been content with loneliness to this point, you get to be the "exception" now because you happened to have been smart enough to get and stay on the bandwagon with her.  We can therefore conclude the end result - if you don't get on the bandwagon, someone else will.  So really...you're just the current smartest exception to all the times love is...well, adding to the averages.  :)

Though...as an afterthought, if the dude did well enough for her to write/sing a song about him...I guess he might be the only exception. Ah, crap.  There goes half my argument. :) Whatever.  I still had a stern moment with the radio this morning because of this song, and I'll stand by it. 

You know what?  WAIT.  Nevermind.  I'm assuming she has the same level of commitment when writing a song for a guy that I would.  I don't know her.  She could be writing this stuff for every guy who takes her on a third date! Geez. I'm just saying there's more than one exception out there, kids.  That's all.  That's all I'm tryin' ta say.

Bruno Mars' "Grenade"

This line of thinking should be initially attributed to my happily married friends Cary and Carla, who clearly love each other but also disagree with our dude Bruno, as much as I love him. Uh...I probably wouldn't catch a grenade for ya.  Something about getting my hands blown off is just not appealing...call me selfish. If you want. You'll be wrong, but you can call me that if it makes you feel more top 40s acceptable. I mean, the sentiment is nice and all...I've thought I'd do anything for someone before, but really? A grenade? That's taking this love thing a little too far, don't you think?

All of this is completely irrelevant to life.  I just felt the need to share a lot of useless information today.  :)


P.S. Uh, also, I like both aforementioned songs.  I generally turn them up when they come on the radio.  It's just that this morning we sort of got in an argument about, you know, reality and stuff.

A tumultous DTR with the Universe

Sometimes in my life, I feel the need to sit down with what Alaina and I used to refer to as "the Universe."  This is the entity I choose to argue with when things happen in life that make mewant to stand up and say "ARE YOU KIDING ME?" to someone, but then realize there's no one really to...blame? Hmmm...hope that makes sense...

Solution: yell at the Universe.  *shrug*  Totally works for me.  :)

The latest run-down made me realize the points the universe have been racking up are actually more positive than negative.  (That is, if we count them in number rather than in extremity.)  So here's DeeAura, sitting down with said Universe and having a serious heart to heart/giving it a piece of my mind.

Prepare yourself. 

Unless you feel this is too personal and you'd rather gouge your eyes out than read another post by me.  But, uhm, if that's the case, you're the ridiculous one because you're actually still reading this.

I digress.

Encounter #1:
Monday was a paid holiday.  Thank you, MLK.  I went snowboarding. I also bought a new jacket for the occasion.  Okay, so I bought it last week.  But still. I love it.  Also, I should learn to take my camera with me for purposes such as proving it on a blog.  For now, you'll have to make do with this coat and your imagination.  I'm loving everything about this season pass business.

In that moment, I loved the universe.  :)

Encounter #2:

But uh...this is what happened to my knee after hitting some serious ice on Monday while snowboarding:

If you think that's unsightly, you should have seen it on MONDAY.  Ugh.My knee should be about 3x smaller than that.  Ew, ew, EW.  Angry DeeAura.

The universe and I are fighting.

Encounter #3:
But THEN...this came in the mail yesterday morning:

HAHAH.  That's because, a few weeks ago, I referred former bf (still a fantastic person in my book...don't get me wrong in my references, thanks) to the place I go for an oil change.  I opened the letter, saw the money, and just stood there in the kitchen, laughing to myself...with this sort of smirk on my face..and...just basked in the irony of the situation. :)  $10 doesn't really make up for the bf situation, but...hahha...

I decided to forgive the universe because it clearly has a fabulous sense of humor.  :)  

Seriously though...when was the last time you made some honest cash off your former bf?  Okay, then.  :)

P.S.  You should go get your oil changed there. I'll split my winnings with you. I promise.


Encounter #4:
Then this morning, I woke up to blaring alarms, flashing lights, fire trucks, flooding in our apartment building, and firemen.  At 5 a.m. Having my sleeping privileges unceremoniously ripped from my death grip, running around with stunning hair, in my sweats, and my glasses?  It's no wonder I had to fight the firemen off...uh...yeah, no. 

 Uh - Universe. Really. Really?? I'm not sure how you'd like me to react. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

But then again...Encounter #4 resulted in an innocent facebook post with what is now 62 comments.  You might just think I'm popular, (and you'd be semi-correct in your assumption) but really - it's all because there are some hands down HILARIOUS people in my ward.  How often does a flooding crisis in your apartment building turn into something that makes you want to roll on the floor laughing?  I love me some OMNI crowd.

I'd list it here, but that's just the longest post ever and entirely uncalled for.  You can look it up on FB if you feel the need.  And really - if you need a good laugh, I'd look it up if I were you.  Lately, I just can't get enough of these folks.  Top notch, every single one of 'em.

...Okay, okay, Universe.  I think we're approaching square.  That's 2 for 2...but...almost 3. Hmm. I haven't entirely forgiven you, as your offenses have admittedly been somewhat dramatic. Admit it. However. I suppose if we look at the TECHNICAL scores of the past week...there have been a million more reasons to be on good termsrather than cursing your name every other day or so.

* sigh * 

Fine.  

As long as I still love you more than I don't love you, we can continue on good terms.

But seriously, stop messing with me. 

M'kay, thanks.  :)

Just punch 'em in the face.

"If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face.

Oh sure, it seems obvious now, but you’d be amazed at how many people don’t think of it when it’s relevant.

Seriously, punch them in the face and go get some ice cream."

--Chuck Klosterman

HAHAH!  I know, I know.  I would never.  

I don't even like ice cream.

It's a little tiny bit funny, though...  :)

Forgiveness and moving on is the better way to go in the long run, however.  I know that.  

Don't worry, I'm only partially immature.

Want to know the mature thing I know today?

Okay, I'll tell you.

Attitude makes all the difference.  It really does.  Choosing to make the best of any moment is the turning point in every circumstance.  Choosing to laugh at myself instead of becoming embarrassed or defensive can take the venom out of any potentially poisonous thoughts or actions.  This is not to say I am perfect at doing this all the time.  I'm still figuring it all out.  BUT - I really do think it is entirely possible to take any circumstance and make it into something productive and positive instead of the alternative.  

For example - story time.  :)  Your favorite.

Exhibit A: Crap Cookies

So there I was, making cookies with a boy I used to date.  I had used this recipe a million times and it always made these really great cookies.  I was out to impress, okay?  I'm pretty sure it was the first time we had cooked anything together.  Anyway.  The last thing I was worried about was the cookies not turning out.  

But in my distraction, I didn't notice that we put margarine in the cookies instead of butter.  

In case you didn't know: margarine in cookies = no bueno.  The first batch came out flat and burned around the edges, with no consistency whatsoever.

I wanted to die.  I remember staring at the cookie sheet thinking..."What the...WHY??"  We literally had to scrape the cookies off the cookie sheet, and even though he made multiple comments about how they still tasted good...

UH - NO.  Not okay.  Those cookies look like crap, and I won't give them to anyone, let alone the people you home teach, thanks very much.  

That's the angry perfectionist in DeeAura talking, right there.

It was an awful time for me.  HAHAH.  I wouldn't even go back in his kitchen.  Hello, baby DeeAura.  Get a grip, girl!   No matter what he said, that was it.  In my mind? 

THERE WAS NO SOLUTION!  

Oh boy.  :)  Poor guys - sometimes we girls are just a lot to handle.  :)

The end.

In this case, I did not apply the "make everything positive" rule.  Ahem.

Unless you count the fact that I laugh about it now...  :)

Let's count that.

And on our left: International Relations

Once upon a time, I decided I should make this Brazilian dinner for the same boy.  You know, because I'm awesome like that.  Uh - the only thing I forgot to factor in, really, is my inability to speak Portugese?  Oopsie.  :)

Try communicating the need for tapioca flour at my local international market to a man who speaks about as much English as I speak Portugese.  :)  It's very funny.  ...NOW.  :)

We finally communicated enough to figure out he didn't have what I was looking for.  But he DID have a mix of what I was looking for!  No more of this need for a recipe!  Add water and stir?  Yes, please.  I can do that.  :)  I felt proud.

Then I got home and discovered the instructions on the bag were only in Portugese.

Uh-huh. Downer. Let me reiterate:  I don't speak Portugese, let alone READ it!

CRAP.  

After some digging through my many Brazilian resources...I found an online translator.  You know, the ones where you give then the text and they translate about every other line?  

If there's enough English mixed in with Portuguese, I can totally read it, FYI.  I think that's going on my next resume update.  :)

The end.

See?  

Do you see how the positive application changed that whole situation?  

Brilliant, you say?  

I KNOW!

...Nothing new, you say?  *sigh* I know.  :)

Ahem.  Okay, so it's easier to apply that to the absence of butter or my semi-inability to speak or read anything other than the English language. 

It's harder to apply that to real-life situations involving people's hearts, or the future...or any of the unknown.  Sometimes things just don't work out the way I think they will.  No matter how great my attitude is, or how hard I try.  

But - that's okay.  It really is! 

It really is entirely possible to make every situation positive on at least some level.  In fact, I'm starting to believe it is absolutely vital to progress and happiness to learn how to do so!

In much of life, we might not be able to change the actual circumstance.  I can't control someone else's choices - just as they cannot control mine.  That is as it should be.  But the one thing I CAN control is my attitude in each circumstance.  

And it's not just my attitude: I can control how much I let Heavenly Father help me get a better perspective on my life.  I can control how much I look back versus how much I move forward with faith that there must be a better plan, especially after I have done all I can do.  

There are many vessels that are destroyed after they have been molded and shaped. Why? Because they are not contented with the shape the potter has given them, but straightway put themselves into a shape to please themselves; therefore they are beyond understanding what God designs, and they destroy themselves by the power of their own agency, for this is given to every man and woman, to do just as they please. …

When a person is miserable, wretched, and unhappy in himself, put him in what circumstances you please, and he is wretched still. If a person is poor, and composes his mind, and calmly submits to the providences of God, he will feel cheerful and happy in all circumstances, if he continues to keep the commandments of God.

-Heber C. Kimball

"Your future is not determined by the conditions around you. It is determined by your faith, your choices, and your efforts." 

- Elder Paul V. Johnson.

Soooo I won't be punching anyone in the face.  :)  No need.  But I will always do exactly what the recipe says (whenever I have one) and update my resume to include partial language skills.  :)

It seems the only sensible thing to do in this case.  

Also, I hope it doesn't chalk me up some serious bad person points if that first quote is going to keep me laughing to myself on and off all day long.  :)  Even if I don't DO it...I still think it's funny.