A few things I've learned since graduating from college:

Every April, I have another handful of friends who graduate from some portion of the college life.

Yahooo! Wonderful! Congrats! 

It's so fun to hear them talking about the things they have planned, or how they don't know what they're going to do with all their "free time" now, etc. I had all the same worries/anticipations/ideas about how it was going to be when I graduated. As I've listened to them talk about their plans or seen them get so worried about the future, it has given me cause to contemplate the things I've learned since leaving the college classes scene. (I can't say I left the college scene because I work on a college campus, so...it just sounds like I haven't moved on. I have. Trust me.)

I might have to say nothing turned out the way I thought it would. In fact, this is how I felt: (besides attractive)

Here's a newsflash for some people, though: college life is not supposed to last forever. Breathe. It's awesome, I know. It's a lot of fun especially when you do it in the young adult time of life, and dating and parties and crazy roadtrips are all a part of the single freedom we all should enjoy for a short time. But there does come a day when it's time to leave that behind and keep going forward. I know. And I say this as I possibly may embark upon the graduate school life. My only thing is I'm going to be combining it with the work life I now currently...enjoy...?  Bahahah! I'm just saying. Growing up is NOT all bad. It's just different.


"Buck up and learn to adjust!" That's something my brain took a few years to figure out, embarrassingly enough. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it...maybe. :) As someone said in church a few weeks ago: "Embrace the changes and go forward in faith." It sounds scary, and even feels scary initially. But upon exercise of said embracing and forward movement you will eventually find out so much more about yourself than a college campus could have ever eternally taught you. :)

Ahem. This is not all-inclusive by any means. But it's pretty good in a general sense. :)

1. Numero uno: Work hard, yes. But ALWAYS make time for fun. Being "grown up" can feel get really bogged down with responsibility. I used to tell myself in college that I could "sleep when I was dead" because there was so much to do all the time. And that worked, for the time, because really...you know college isn't going to last forever. 4 years, 7 years, 10 years...whatever. But in real life? Real life lasts for the rest of your life. That hit me like a ton of bricks after about a year of working full-time post-graduation. Holy. Crap. Find your balance and live it. This includes FUN and recreation time. :) If you need a little gospel to back that theory up, go ahead and refer to Elder Christofferson's talk from last conference.
2. Going to bed at a decent hour really actually DOES make a difference in your productivity and work day. Newsflash.
3. Did I mention finding your balance? If you're in college and think you're balanced now, you're not. Okay, at least I wasn't. I thought I was. But I've concluded college life is not balanced. You're studying like a crazy person, living in libraries, staying up way too late, and summer is eternally viewed as the time for internships, playing, etc. Not always so in real life. Make time for the spiritual, for exercise, for thinking time with JUST YOU, and don't forget about the people in your life who love you. Don't forget about the people YOU care about. They're not just going to always be sitting next to you in class, or in the library, and they won't be your roommates forever. Just a little fyi.One of these days, you're going to realize real life has come along and so much time has gone by, and...you might really miss those people. Do all you can to keep them in your life if you don't want to miss them someday.
4. If you don't already have them, set good attainable exercise goals so you can form good exercise habits. You're not going to be walking around a college campus anymore for most hours of the day. I'm just saying: odds are, you're going to end up in an office behind a desk for at least 8 hours a day. Exercise feels SO GOOD after all that. Of course this depends on your job, but honestly: exercise is key to helping me unwind, mentally, if nothing else. 
5. Stop waiting for people to come to you. Be proactive in your life. Reach out to other people. It's time to notice other people MUCH MORE than you notice yourself. I didn't think I was self-involved in college, but I realize now how buried I was in my studies, my future, my own personal worries...so much so that I sometimes forgot about getting my head out of the sand every now and again. People, opportunities, and life will pass you by if you keep ignoring it. GET OUT THERE. :)
6. You're more than likely going to have to work a little harder to find activities and people and events. College campuses are brimming with these things, but that's not nearly the case afterward. Oh sure, there are concerts and shows and games, etc. outside the college campus. There's just so much more now that's going to be completely up to you. These activities and opportunities won't just fall in your lap anymore.
7. Keep learning. Never stop. If you do, you'll end up being that person in your office or neighborhood who used to be accomplished but is now just an ancient reliquery. Keep up with technology, keep reading, writing, and keep up on the research! It's useless to have 20-year-old knowledge stored in the dusty rafters of your brain. Keep it fresh. Nobody likes a living, breathing cobweb. 
8. Make your own new traditions. Whether you're single or married, these are really important for reasons I have yet to fully understand. Haha. But honestly...take a roadtrip every year with people you absolutely love. It can be the same people year after year, or it can be all the new fun friends you made that year. Something. Find something. (many things, even) to make your life meaningful. Your life will be what you make of it. No boss or job or roommate or friend or spouse is going to do that for you. 
9. Speaking of...remember this: Your job is not your life! Let me repeat that. Your job is not your life! It is easy to let it be your life. But it's not. There is so much more to life than your employment. Do it well, of course, give it your all for 8 hours a day (or whatever is required) but then don't forget to LIVE! If you find you're coming home from work, wondering where all the people went and what all the people are doing...? That's a sign. You've let your job become your life. Your job supports your life! You need it. But it is NOT: your life. Should I say that again, I wonder? ;)
10. Be ever so grateful for where you are, and what you have. Count your blessings. Be grateful for the people around you and for the opportunities you DO have. If there are improvements to be made, or risks to be taken, take them. Just don't let that become the focus of your life. Remember to bloom where you are planted. Never will you want to look back on a period of your life and think: "I wish I had been happier where I was and stopped always looking forward to a time in the future when I thought things were going to be better." Life is now. Life is here. Live it, love it, and make it as full as you can all along the way.

"And upon these I write the things of my soul..."

The best books I own are the ones my mom taught me how to write...

Aren't they beautiful? I think they are. See that skinny yellow one furthest over to the left? That's a gratitude journal from my freshman year of college. And the fat little striped one? That's chuck full of things I learned while working my last year in the EFY field of dreams. * sigh * The pink one...that one helped me learn a lot more about love and how how to get through life when it doesn't work out or go the way you plan at all: aka...my last year of college. Phew. I'm extra grateful for that little book whenever things tend to repeat themselves. The one furthest over to the left is from my mission. Priceless. That little blue one got me through a lot of family things. The white one with yellow flowers - that one is so much about happiness and joy. That black one is still being re-read pretty frequently. It taught me so much about choosing faith over fear, and really trusting in the Lord. The plain green one all the way to the right? That's today's life. Only time will tell what lessons that one will hold...but so far? I love it. I love them all, actually.

I'm not sure anyone else but me will ever read them...but I suppose that's part of their purpose.

These aren't like regular 'ol journals where you record the things that happened that day, or write about the people in your life, necessarily. (Though I have just as many of those kinds of journals...since I write to figure things out. I do not have life figured out. Therefore I write about it constantly.)

My mom always called them her "scripture journals." My scripture journals are probably my most prized possessions besides my scriptures. They are where I record promptings, promises, comforts, reminders, goals to be better, and the most precious truths I have learned. Sure, sometimes these things make their way into my every-day kind of journal, but the every-day journal has rantings and frustrations in it as well.

My scripture journals are...probably more true to who I really am. Or at least more true to the person I want to be. The person God knows I can be. And if I ever forget who that person might be or should be...I can always go to that little book for reminders. More than once it has saved me from completely giving up on one thing or another. It keeps reminding me to trust in God and to go on no matter the circumstances of life. Personal revelation is a real thing. I have twelve little books to remind me that's true if I ever start to forget.

And when life gets hectic and stressful and I wonder sometimes where I'm going or what in the world I'm doing, (that would be me these days...) reminders like these are priceless.

Thanks, momma. :)

The crushes I have started to develop come with a soundtrack.

Dear Nik Day,

You are attractive, extremely talented, and super charming on stage. I look around and watch every girl visibly melt like I am on the inside. Haha. It's almost unbelievable except I watch it happen every time. Every time I'm not totally and completely involved in what you're singing, that is... ;) Could you please release your "One in a million" song? The only other option is asking me to marry you. You pick. I'm fine with either. That's also how much I like that song.

I love you.
DeeAura





Caleb Blood makes me want private concerts. He's darling in his own far too serious way. :) His song "Don't need you to break me" is fantastic. Oh, wait. So is "Lovely Obsession." Or "Sing to you." I clearly couldn't pick my favorite, so I closed my eyes and clicked on one. That's how much I like his songs. He's not hard on the eyes, either. I've sort of always had a thing for the blond boys, though. :) Listen to those lyrics. There's a gem, ladies.




I could pick a favorite between those two as easily as I could pick between Jack and Sawyer. Or Flynn Rider and Dimitri. Or Matt Damon and Ryan Reynolds. (I have real life, relevant examples also, but that's just getting too personal.) bahah.

While I distract you with music, I'll just leave you with this final tidbit: I'm rediscovering my love for the guy who can make me laugh harder than Jack Black + Brian Regan. And even that's not an entirely accurate description. Plus, he's darling. If I had my way - well, we'll just wait and see.

That's pretty juicy for my usual ambiguous love references. Take it and savor it, kids. I have my reasons for staying anonymous. Plus, it's more fun that way. ;)

Favorite thing I've heard someone say this week:

Stop analyzing everything, and just go get what you want. 

Okay, so Nik Day might have said it just before he started singing "One in a million." when I was watching him with my jaw on the ground the other night. But let's not make me sound like a crazed fan. haha. I'm just saying I could not agree more. I think we all waste far too much time prepping for the jump, and far too little time actually taking the risks for what we really want.

So I made it my new motto. It might even replace my dear Emerson one day, you never know.

Running to Stand Still

ENDURE. to hold out against; sustain without impairment or yielding; undergo

Sometimes you might find yourself in a situation totally and completely beyond your control. If you ever have found yourself in such a place, then you might know about how I was feeling when I saw this word. More sleepless nights than I care to admit with more worries than I care to dwell on long enough to explain them have contributed to where I found myself in that moment. It was work, it was my personal life, it was love, it choices, it was the 1000% desire to move on, to be free of the stupid tears and stress. To stop treading lightly and to be able to feel strong again. I was willing the tears to just stop and gave up being able to do it on my own, so I closed my eyes to pray for the millionth time for some kind of deliverance.

There it was, just lying on the ground right in front of me. Just a piece of paper someone had dropped. It had literally been on the ground at my feet for the past 10 minutes, but I'd just barely seen it. I was frustrated, and tired of fighting something I felt like should be long, long in the past - no longer hurting me or anyone else I knew. Sometimes getting through difficult things feels more like clawing your way out of a deep, dark pit of despair. A pit of despair you're not even sure you know what you did to get into in the first place; but regardless...there you are.

ENDURE. to bear without resistance or with patience; tolerate

Gah! Are you sick of that word yet?! Me too. But hang in there with me for a few more minutes.I'm not kidding. In that very moment, I was so far beyond any light shed on the situation, and was starting to wonder if I would ever find anything more, or if I was just going to have to be content with partial misery for a undetermined about of time. Longer. That's all I kept getting. That's all I knew. Insert appropriate words of frustration < here >. I felt like everything I had been doing was just...total and complete crap. Was I really expected to keep doing this?! REALLY??

ENDURE. to continue to exist; to last

* sigh * Yep. I think so. I think I'm expected to keep going anyway. Even if it seems completely unfair and I just want to stop. And yell. And demand that justice be dealt! I felt like Lucy in Peanuts, only let's put her in the fetal position...yeah. That's a little more accurate. (google doesn't have my particular vision, but I'm certain you can fill in the blanks.) Angry, frustrated, and just begging for deliverance.

ENDURE. to support adverse force or influence of any kind; suffer without yielding; suffer patiently

I was in tears. So unbelievably tired of that stupid feeling. But the more I looked at that word: ENDURE ...the softer and more tender it started to appear to my eyes, and to my heart. Instead of making me feel like a 5-year-old, temper-tantrum-throwing...grownup (haha) it started to feel like a warm blanket of comfort combined with the arms of someone who loves you more than anybody else. The kind of security everybody needs, and I found it in that moment...in a word I usually detest.

I finally picked the piece of paper up instead of staring at it, and just held it. Deep breaths. Wipe the tears away. A few more deep breaths. ...and okay, a lot more tears. But I just held onto that word.

ENDURE. to have or gain continued or lasting acknowledgment or recognition, as of worth, merit or greatness

I finally found the comfort I was seeking. It seemed like the worst answer in the world at first, but I'm slowly coming around to the tender and the mercy of what it really means to endure. It's not so scary and demanding all of a sudden. It's even loving.

ENDURE. please don't think I'm crazy. :) 

 So then we fast forward to about a month later, and I'm about to run a Half Marathon. Let's pretend you don't know me NOW, and you only knew me say...10 years ago. That girl? She didn't run half marathons. Hahahah! In FACT...she didn't RUN at all. She stayed away from that dirty word, thanks very much. But life has a funny way of changing us, doesn't it? So there I was, 10 years older and hopefully wiser...(wiser could be exchanged for crazy and still be a compliment here.)...running 13.1 miles. That's a lot of time to run, and...a lot of time to think.


I was between mile 5 and 6, running fine (it wasn't really all that hard yet) and approaching a turn. It was still in the distance, but I could see the corner, and the arrow pointing me in the right direction once I arrived there. As I ran and got closer and closer to the turn, my brain started to transform this into a life lesson. Shocker. (I told you I had a lot of time to think, right? Okay then.)

 "I wonder if anyone is ever tempted to turn left," quips my inner slightly sarcastic self. Haha. If I turned left instead of right, that would be stupid. Nobody is going to turn the opposite direction of the arrow. DUH. Someone came on this course ahead of time and clearly marked where I would need to go in order to accomplish my goal of finishing the race. Oh, sure, If I turned left, I could still run 13.1 miles, but knowing when I had done so would become a little more difficult. AND I would have no idea where I was when I finished...AND no one I knew and loved would be at this ambiguous finish line. If I turned right, like the arrow said, I would eventually arrive at the grand finish: goal accomplished, safe arrival, friendly faces, without question.

That's easy on a race course. So then why did I beg so often to my Heavenly Father for Him to let me turn left when He has already told me I just need to turn right, and keep going...He'll keep letting me know when to turn, where to go...so I can accomplish the goal; arrive at the destination He has promised for me, and the place I truly want to be. He said to turn right, I know I should turn right. So why am I weeping over my desire to turn left?!

ENDURE!

My new word friend resurfaces at just the right time. And in a race, that word means even more. It means I can make it...I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if I'm at mile 10 and the blister on my left foot is killing me, and the pain in my right calf would make a grown man cry. If I stop now, I won't make it to my goal. I can slow down if I need to...grab a banana, dump that Gatorade down my throat, take a quick squirt of whatever that muscle relaxing gel is...and keep going forward. In a few more minutes, I'll care less about the blister, the muscle in my calf will relax enough, and my energy will kick up just enough to keep me going. I can do this. Even if  I look terrible in every picture the photographers took on the trail. Let's have the fact I shared this picture with you stand as a testimony to my confidence, m'kay? Anyway.


ENDURE.

This is where DeeAura sits down with herself (metaphorically speaking, of course, since we are clearly still running. Yes, I just referred to myself as more than one entity. Put away your psycho babble. We've got this.) :) How is this race different from your life right now? It's not. Put away your hurt. Put away the doubts and fears you keep allowing to resurface without fighting back with all your faith and knowledge that in spite of everything, YOU CAN DO THIS! The problems will always arise. They will. That's part of the challenge. It's a piece of the puzzle. It's part of the WHOLE POINT of life. Isn't it? Yeah, it is.

"And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by teh word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith teh Father: Ye shall have eternal life."  

(2 Ne. 31:19–20.)

There's nothing passive about that word. It is active, it means joy comes as we learn to conquer our obstacles, not simply put up with them out of duty, or because we think we have no other choice. Brigham Young said, "Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation." (Discourses of Brigham Young, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1954, p. 345.)  

Elder Neal A. Maxwell follows that up by saying "Such a perspective enables us, even in the most pressing of circumstances, to pass the breaking point without breaking, having casue to be bitter - as men measure cause - without being bitter." (A Time to Choose, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1972, p. 42.) 

“Enduring to the end requires our whole heart or, as the Book of Mormon prophet Amaleki teaches, we must “come unto him, and offer our whole souls as an offering unto him, and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth we will be saved.” (Omni 1:26) Those who endure are balanced, consistent, humble, constantly improving, and without guile. Their testimony is not based on worldly reasons—it is based on truth, knowledge, experience, and the Spirit.” 

- Joseph B. Wirthlin

Just like running required everything I had to give physically and mentally...so enduring the challenges of life requires what may seem to be our every ounce of strength. But if the feeling of arriving at that finish line and knowing I really accomplished what I set out to do is even an ounce of what it will feel like to know I did what Heavenly Father wanted me to do in this life, then to endure whatever pain there is now is 1000% worth it. I need to remember that every second of every day.

Maybe that's why I kept that piece of paper and it's in my scriptures where I'll see it every day when I refuel on the only thing I know will get me through anything. Because I don't need to write down how easy it is to forget. I need to see it every day so I remember to keep going.

Also, I finished the race in 2h:33m. I'm not fast, but I wasn't last by any means, AND I still did it. 

Enduring has its rewards. :)

Why no, I am not frozen in fear. Thanks for asking though.

Gulp.

Work has been insane lately. My to-do list grows every time I turn around. The summer season starts in 2 weeks from Monday and I'm...not going to say any more about that. I have to get back to work. That's how insane it is. 

But tomorrow morning I will be able to check one more thing off my personal bucket list, and that, my friends is COOL. :)

If I live through it. 

I'd like to think I only sound dramatic to those who have already completed 13.1 miles at one time in their lives before. The rest of you better be praying for my LIFE.

Please?

Thank you. :)

Back to work. More to come. There have been funny things lately. I swear I'll start writing about them soon.

And his first words to her were, "You look beautiful."

Seriously, though...

It's sweet and tender and I'm such a sucker for it. 

Women love to hear these things...clearly. See her face? That's what we all look like when we hear compliments like that. :)

Prince William was born just a little over a month before I was, so with every tidbit of media coverage on his life, It has been sort of fun to think, "Hey, we're the same age. Cool." It's like finding out what the people you grew up with have been doing, but uh...you know, cooler because he's a Prince? Yeah.  I've been so excited good 'ol Wills was getting married, and to such a classy catch as the beautiful Kate Middleton...I just couldn't miss out on the excitement, you know? 

So I didn't wake up at 4 a.m. to start watching, but I meant to. Around 4:50 a.m. I dragged myself out to the living room just in time to see the processional start for them to leave the Abbey. My royal-wedding-dedicated roommate had been out there the whole time though and filled me in. Apparently I just missed a lot of prayers and a lot of singing. Which is fine. I was sad about missing the vows, though, until they played a repeat of it during the long ride from Westminster Abbey to Buckingham Palace. Perfection. (minus the whole "til death parts us" part which always just makes me sad, but let's be honest, I still loved watching it.)

Aw, yeah. :) The commentator's words at that moment were my favorite: "That young man does his own thing. He was instructed "one kiss" and this second one was so much better." Bahahha..nice. :)

Her dress is to die for. As tired as I was, I couldn't stop trying to study every detail. Oh man and that tiarra. And the veil! I love the neckline, and the top...I just love the whole thing. And they rode in a horse drawn carriage! That's not a movie, that's someone's real life. * sigh *

And for all the guys out there who can't for the life of them understand why some girls like me are crazy and care so much about a royal wedding, let me clue you in: IT'S A ROYAL FREAKING WEDDING! She's living out all our fantasies of becoming a real PRINCESS. Or a Duchess. But you get the point. She married a PRINCE. * sigh * You really don't get it??!?!!?!?!?!?! (Kaley, the overabundance of punctuation there really has a purpose. It expresses my incredulous outrage concerning the situation.) 


I would hope you get it now. Otherwise there's just no hope for you and every time you whine and cry about girls who don't turn backflips and somersaults about...I don't know...the superbowl? I want you to remember this moment.

Confession: I've been speaking in a British accent in my head all. day. long. :) I also wrote this entire post in a British accent. You should hear me; I'm pretty good.

Just as a sort of side note...although, maybe it could be deemed a little more important than a mere sidenote, but the Bishop of London's sermon afterward was BEAUTIFUL, I thought. You can read it here. He had me listening from the very beginning:

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” So said St Catherine of Siena whose festival day it is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.

Many are full of fear for the future of the prospects of our world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.  

In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.

A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.

It is of course very hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. And people can dream of doing such a thing but the hope should be fulfilled it is necessary a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love."

I just love it. :) 

What to do when you're confused: run away, don't talk about it, and distract yourself with things that don't actually matter. This is healthy.

Love. 

Bah. 

Sometimes I wonder if I know to to be in love anymore. I know, you've already tuned out. It's cool, you can stop reading but I'm gonna keep writing for reasons unknown to even me. Whatever. It's not this all-encompassing worry I have, but every now and again I find myself wondering...hmm. I could get more into that, but then you'd have to read it and before that happened, I'd have to think about it and actually figure out what's going on in my life and that's just way too much effort these days.

So anyway: after last night I'm pretty sure I have no problems in that love area whatsoever. Of course the age difference may worry some, but I think it's a pretty good starting point again. I just need to watch movies with cute little Thomas Robinson in them because he is by far the most adorable little boy I've ever seen outside my own nephews, and I don't care who I have to marry in order to get the clone of that little boy, but as of last night, I am willing to do whatever may be necessary. (Stop it. I can see your raised eyebrows right now. I know he's a character. But I'm pretty sure my little boy will be just as smart, brave, neurotic, and quirky as this one was.) Of course, little boys aren't scary like the big boys are. They haven't learned how to be scared or stubborn or frustrating quite as well as us big kids have yet, and they just melt me.

That's all.

I could've written about how much I collectively loathe Women's Conference weekend because parking is horrendous and that many women in one place all at once even makes MY brain want to explode...but I didn't. I wrote about a cute little boy instead. (For the record, I went with my mom at least once when I was younger and I remember it being a good experience. It also brings a lot of people I love into town, so that's a good thing about it...don't be mad Cal, I know you all went and I clearly exclude you from my parking frustrations.)

I just hate working on campus during events like this. They should let me stay away from work for two days like they let me go home a few hours early during graduations. This is almost worse than my apparent sense of entitlement right now. Ahem. :)

Oops, I wrote about it. :)

Just...isn't he the cutest little boy EVER? * sigh *

Are you shaking your head at my seeming lack of direction right now? Sorry. Trust me. The good posts are always spaced out by the random ones. I'll come around again as soon as my brain can function on a normal human level. Pray it's soon.

Side note: I'm grateful for EFY polos today because it meant I didn't have to think about what to wear this morning. I guess that's a perk of the job...if you call having 20+ colored polos as an option a "perk." :) One less decision DeeAura had to make today.